字幕來源：網絡
后期：Beethoven
寶貝 Sweetheart.
怎么了 Huh?
快去窗戶那邊 Go over to the window right now
把窗戶打開到最大 and open it as wide as you can.
讓我睡一下吧 Please let me sleep.
你媽媽從墨西哥來 I think your mother's here from Mexico,
現在要走了 and she needs to leave.
打開窗戶 Open the window now.
你怎么不去打 懶鬼 Why don't you open it, you lazy...
救命 Somebody help!
別張嘴 Close your mouth!
不是吧 我能騎它嗎 No way. Can I ride him?
鹿 A deer!
好了 Okay.
爸 為了讓想來我們家的動物進來 我沒關前門 Daddy, I left the front door open in case any animals wanted to come in.
-你做的 -現在進來了一只 -You did, huh? -And one did.
太瘋狂了 -Yeah. -Yeah, one crazy-ass one.
你做了一件好事 寶貝 No, you did a nice thing, sweetheart.
格雷格 我需要一個棒子 Greg, I'm gonna need a bat!
-別 -我不是想打這只鹿 -Daddy, no! -No, no, I'm not going to hit the deer.
我只想幫它的頭按摩一下而已 I'm just going to massage his head for a little bit with it.
好吧 來吧 Okay, come on, come on.
它在這 He's right here.
他在吃鮑澤爾的食物 He's eating Bowser's food.
噓 他知道我們在這 Okay, he knows we're here now.
別動 Stay. Stay.
它在看什么 What's he looking at?
把你的玩偶拿過來 Move your doll towards me.
拿回去 And back to you.
拿過來 Towards me.
拿回去 Back to you.
做三次 快 Three times, fast.
給我 Give me that thing.
基格勒斯沃爾斯先生 Mr. Gigglesworth?
別擔心 給我就行了 No, don't worry. Give it to me.
-繼續 沒問題的 -放在我手里 -Go on. It's okay. It's okay. -Put it in my hand.
羅克珊 帶他們回去 Roxanne, take them in there.
回去 Over there.
兄弟 你喜歡這家伙嗎 Hey, dude. You like this guy?
你想跟他成為小伙伴 You want to play with him?
我們去另一間房里玩 All right, let's go play in the other room.
來吧 Come on. Come on, man.
跟著我慢慢走 Slowly walk with me.
慢點 I said slowly.
不 No.
讓開 Get out of the way!
天啊 Oh, my God!
問題解決 Problem solved.
基格勒斯沃爾斯先生 爸 他要殺了他 Mr. Gigglesworth! Daddy, he's killing him!
新麻煩來了 A new problem begins.
對不起 I'm sorry.
那是你的胸罩嗎 費德先生 Is that your bra, Mrs. Feder?
放松點 Easy.
真好 It is nice.
-謝謝 -真爽 耶 -Thank you, all right. -Cool, yeah.
二十八 28?
是的 Yes.
三十五 35.
對了 再來一遍 小聰明 That's right again, smarty-pants.
爸 Hi, Dad.
-你在學數學嗎 比恩 -是的 -Hey, Bean, working on the math, huh? -Yep.
媽媽告訴我如果都做對的話 Mommy said if I get all my math questions right,
我就可以跟貝基 費德一起騎單車去上學 I get to ride my bike to school with Becky Feder.
是嗎 比恩 那么 7加上9等于多少呢 Really? Okay, Bean, well, what's seven plus nine?
七十九 Seventy-nine.
他難道是電腦嗎 算的這么準 因為我搞不明白 Is he a little boy or a computer? 'Cause I can't figure it out.
別傷了他的自尊 Don't destroy his confidence.
假期愉快 Happy summer, everybody.
你要帶這些鞋子一起去嗎 Okay, you sure you want to go with those boots, honey?
你不用帶那么多的 I know you bedazzled them yourself.
我只想知道它們會不會 I'm just wondering if they'll attract
在外面引起過度的關注 too much attention, you know, from outer space.
最后一天上學 It's the last day of school,
媽媽說我可以肆意表現我自己 and Mom says I'm free to express myself.
星球大戰里的機器人
和R2-D2一起建立自信心 Building the confidence right here with R2-D2.
信心 Confidence. K-O-B-R-Q-V-Y.
信心 Confidence.
我們不用為大學花錢了 Well, we're not gonna have to pay for college.
肯定的 That's for sure.
看起來羅尼拉屎了 Looks like a horse took a dump in Ronnie's diaper.
你會需要聯邦的幫助來洗干凈他們 You're gonna need federal aid to clean that up.
羅尼小寶貝 Ronnie, honey,
是不是渡渡鳥放了個手雷在你的尿布里 ...did a doo-doo grenade go off in your diaper?
-你要來換嗎 -這是你兒子 不是我的 -You gonna change it? -That's not my son, that's your son.
耶 昨天才是我的尿布日 Yesterday was my diaper day.
今天全歸你管 而且看上去好臟哦 Today he is all yours, and it's gonna get nasty.
來吧 羅尼 Go, Ronnie.
-來吧 羅尼 -加油 羅尼 -Go, Ronnie, go, Ronnie. -Go, Ronnie, go, Ronnie.
美國饒舌歌手及創作歌手
他有點像妮琪·米娜 He looks like Nicki Minaj
試著搖動她的屁股 trying to shake her butt implants back into place.
-來吧 羅尼 -來吧 羅尼 -Go, Ronnie, go, Ronnie. -Come on, Ronnie.
來吧 羅尼 Go, Ronnie.
你今天很忙嗎 寶貝 You got a lot of appointments today, sweetie?
只有一個維修工作 Nah, just one repair job.
很特別 Very special.
好了 我要進去了 All right, I'm going in.
這是 What is...
這是什么 What is this?
一條項鏈 A necklace?
20周年紀念日快樂 寶貝 Happy 20th anniversary, babe.
爸 你竟然記得 Wow, Dad, you remembered.
當然了 Yeah.
媽媽都不知道 Mom didn't.
太令人感動 That's cold.
我想我可能要出局了 I think I'm gonna bust out of here.
所以他下了火車 發現一個人都沒有 So he gets off the train and nobody's there?
你至少要陪布雷登一個夏天 Braden needs to spend at least one summer with you
這樣他才能說他有個爸爸 你賴賬 希金斯 so he can say he has a dad, you deadbeat, Higgins.
別這么說 Well, not to be mean,
我甚至不確定你是誰 but I'm not even 1,000% sure who you are.
我在佛羅里達長大的 I was up from Florida.
在我們親熱的過程中 我有很嚴重的打嗝問題 Right in the middle of making out, I got a really bad case of the hiccups.
你是打嗝麥基 Hiccups McGee?
天啊 我有一個孩子 Oh, my God,
我卻不知道打嗝麥基 I have a kid I don't know about with Hiccups McGee?
無意冒犯 但我會要求 And no offense, but I'm gonna have to ask
做一個DNA測試 你知道的 for a DNA test, you know,
因為你從來都不 because you just never...
不需要了 No need.
以后再說 麥基 Later, Hiccups.
這是你 You're him.
沒有帽子的話 Yeah, without the hat.
真的很像 It's actually a good likeness.
你怎么樣 伙計 How you doing, man?
我是你爸 I'm your dad.
你好啊 布雷登 Nice to see you, Braden.
這是你的第一次出局 That's strike one.
好消息是 你 Good news is, you get...
可以無限的出局 Unlimited amount of strikes.
我帶你去學校如何 How about I take you to school?
不要去學校 No school.
現在是暑假 Summertime.
還沒 再多一天才是 我知道 你很不想去 Not yet. One more day. I know, it's a drag.
通常我會讓你發泄一下 不去上學 Normally I'd let you just blow it off and play hooky,
但今天是我在施舍處做志愿者的日子 but I'm volunteering at the soup kitchen today,
所以當我準備好 so when I'm done,
我會來接你 然后閑逛一下 I'll come pick you up and we'll hang out.
我給你帶了這個 但是 I got you this, but...
明顯 你不是很像 13歲的小孩 Obviously you're, like, 13, so I don't know,
但這個小熊做的很好 but it's actually pretty nice
又可愛 你應該把它的頭切下來 and cute, and you should cut the head off it, okay.
我們繼續吧 Well, let's get going.
-別忘了這個 -禮物 -Yo, yo, yo, yo, don't forget this. -Is it a gift?
不 是幸存下來的基格勒斯沃爾斯 No, it's the Gigglesworth massacre.
我告訴過貝基你可以把它縫回去 I told Becky you could sew it back together for her.
什么 What?
瑪莎·斯圖沃特做不了這個 Martha Stewart couldn't fix this.
來咯 Come on.
你是一個很會收拾殘局的好爸爸 But you're such a good daddy for picking up all the pieces.
這就是我思考的原因 That's why I've been thinking,
我們回你的家鄉去 we moved back here to your hometown
所以我們能更開心的跟家人在一起 不是嗎 so we could have more quality time with our family, right?
是的 That's right.
你覺得我們擴充一下家庭成員如何 How would you feel about expanding?
-再生一個小孩 -是的 -Having another kid? -Yeah.
但現在已經很完美了 你知道嗎 But it's perfect right now, you know?
如果我買一個大披薩 格雷格 可以吃兩片 If I buy one large pizza, Greg gets two pieces,
基思吃兩塊 貝基吃一塊 Keith gets two, Becky gets one,
你吃一塊 我吃四塊 ...you get one, I get four.
真的很完美 It's kind of perfect, you know.
我不想再買一個派了 I don't want to have to buy another pie.
你怎么不減肥呢 小胖豬 Why don't you go on a diet, fat gordo este?
我16歲時就有工作了 Come on, I've had a job since I'm 16.
這是我第一次有這么多時間 It's the first time I've got a free schedule.
我只是想享受一下 I'm just enjoying the fun.
記住貝基11點的芭蕾獨演會 Don't forget Becky's ballet recital at 11:00.
我要出拉里嗎 I got to go to that?
我是說 我要去那里嗎 太好了 I mean, I get to go to that? Great.
我是說 我以為票已經賣光了 真是個好消息 I'm saying, that's... I thought it was sold out. That's great news.
好好享受你在校的最后一天吧 我自豪的孩子們 Have the best last day of school, my gorgeous children!
我愛你們 I love you all!
-再見 -再見 媽 -Bye, Mom, bye. -Bye, Mom.
學校的最后一天 格雷格 Yeah, last day of school, Greg.
最后一次約南希·阿巴克爾的機會 Last chance to ask out Nancy Arbuckle.
南希·阿巴克爾是誰 你喜歡她 Nancy Arbuckle... What's that? You like a girl?
所以你洗了這么長時間的澡 Is that why you've been taking them long showers?
我在護理我的頭發 No, I'm conditioning my hair.
我一直在護理我的頭發 That's all I do in the shower... Condition my hair.
小鹿不是這樣告訴我的 That's not what the deer told me.
小鹿是個騙子 That deer's a liar.
護理太多會瞎的 I heard too much conditioning can make you go blind.
你從哪兒聽來的 What? Where'd you hear that?
-希金斯說的 -我應該殺了他 -Higgins. -I should kill him.
他不敢約她 He's too chicken to ask her out, Dad,
因為她是學校最漂亮的女生 ...'cause she's the hottest girl in school,
而格雷格是個丑八怪 and Greg is fugly.
丑又怎樣 我們家的人都很丑 So what he's fugly? All the guys in our family are fugly.
那也不能阻止我們找到漂亮的女人 That don't stop us from getting the hot chicks.
看看我和你們的媽媽 你的思想有問題 Look at me and look at your mother. I mean, it makes no sense.
就像在好萊塢電影里發生的一樣 Only in, like, a Hollywood movie or something.
所以男生都喜歡她 Every guy in school likes her, Dad.
而你是要準備拿下她的男人 And you'll be the guy who ends up with her.
知道嗎 你要遵循我的三步原則 You know why? You're gonna follow my three-step program.
第一步 讓她開心 Number one, make the girl smile.
第二步 稱贊她的笑容 Number two, tell her she has a nice smile.
第三步 約她晚上出來 Number three, say she has to go out with you that night.
為什么是晚上 Why that night?
因為晚上她看不清你有多丑 'Cause it gives her less time to think about how fugly you are.
因為你是個丑B 'Cause you are fugly.
這是我聽過最愚蠢的建議了 That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
基思是對的 我太懦弱了 And Keithie's right... I'm too chicken to even talk to her.
你是費德家族的 Hey, you're a Feder.
費德家族的人不會害怕一個女人 Feders ain't afraid of women, buddy.
這不是我灌輸給你的思想 That's not the way I'm raising you.
那你有問媽媽我能踢足球嗎 By the way, Dad, did you ask Mom if I can play football?
不 我沒敢問她 No, I was scared.
我怕她吼我 那種口音我聽不懂 I'm afraid she's gonna yell at me in that accent that no one understands.
貝基 8點了 Come on, Becky, it's 8:00.
學校8點15上課 School starts at 8:15.
這意味著我們只有25分鐘了 That means we only have 25 minutes.
爸 你保證我的玩偶先生會在晚上好起來 Daddy, you promise Mr. Gigglesworth will be better by bedtime?
別為他擔心了 他會好起來的 我愛你 Will you stop worrying about him? He'll be fine. I love you.
-最后一天開心一點 -Have the best last day, okay? -Okay.
-走好 -再見 -Bye, guys. -Bye, Daddy.
-愛你們 -你看了路標嗎 -Love you. -And you read the street signs, okay?
別告訴比恩 Don't let Bean.
天啊 他們騎車上學 My God, riding their bikes to school.
不能在洛杉磯這樣 因為會有怪人跑出來 Couldn't do that in L.A. with the nuts out there.
謝天謝地這里沒有瘋狂的人在街上 Yeah, 'cause thank God there's no crazy people out here.
你怎么樣 尼克 How you doing, Nick?
三個禮拜后我妻子就要離開我 My wife's leaving me after three weeks.
三個星期 不錯啊 Three weeks? That's not bad for you.
怎么了 What happened?
她發現我用屁股吃香蕉 She found me eating a banana with my butt.
她不喜歡你這樣嗎 And she didn't like that?
是的 她很傷心 Yeah, she got really bummed out,
但是 可能我也有錯 but, you know,
我不應該在她媽媽家里做這種事 ...I shouldn't have done it at her mom's house.
這樣啊 你看起來有點累了 Yeah, you... You seem like you're a little extra out of it today.
發生什么了 What's going on?
我吃了點藥 Yeah, I'm a little medicated.
倡導大麻可以激發創作靈感的新rap樂隊中的一員
我在賽普拉斯的演唱會 I met a very reliable doctor at a Cypress Hill concert,
遇見了一個非常可靠的醫生 ...and he floated me a couple pills
他給了我一些藥讓我爽一爽 ...just to feel better, you know.
但是我不覺得爽 But I don't feel better!
我感覺很糟糕 You feel worse!
女士們先生們 見一見你們新的公車司機 Ladies and gentlemen, meet your new bus driver.
你終于找到工作了 Finally got yourself a job.
其實我在幫 Actually I'm filling in
躺在后面的多拉里爾·伊格萊希亞斯的忙 ...for Drool-io Iglesias back there.
蒂安娜 紀念日快樂 Hey, Deanne, happy anniversary.
謝謝 倫尼 Thank you, Lenny.
倫尼記得 不讓人感動嗎 Lenny remembered. Isn't that sweet?
-我從沒跟他說過 -她忘了 -And I never got him pregnant. -She forgot?
-她忘了 -不會吧 -Yeah, she forgot. -No.
我得到了世界上最大的特赦金牌 I got the biggest get-out-of-jail-free card in the world.
我要一個 I want one of those.
你沒有過吧 寶貝 You ain't never get one like this. Hey, honey,
我要和倫尼一起去上班 I'm gonna take a ride to work with Lenny.
沒人會忘記20周年紀念日的 Don't worry about forgetting the 20th.
我知道30周年紀念日你也會記得 I'm sure you'll remember the 30th.
我愛你 I love you.
你當然愛 很深 Yeah, sure you do... Deep down.
沒有另一個項鏈了吧 That's not another necklace in there, is it?
我要濫用這些特赦金牌 I'm gonna abuse this get-out-of-jail-free card,
我告訴你 I'm telling you right now.
我是說 我會穿著鞋子在地毯上走的 I mean, maybe I'll walk on the good rug without taking off my boots.
我會在晚餐上喝不健康的蘇打水 Or have a nice non-diet soda with my dinner.
而且不只喝一杯 整整一水缸 Not just one, either, a whole damn pitcher.
-你要做一個地痞嗎 -是的 -So you're going full gangsta. -Yeah.
你知道我真正想做的是什么嗎 But you know what I'd really like to do?
辦一個"第一個夏夜"派對 Throw a "first night of summer" party.
-你知道的 -有點小瘋狂 -Yeah. -You know, something a little crazy.
我們有很多很多年 沒有瘋狂過了 Well, it's been many, many years since we've done something crazy.
然而只有一個問題 Just one problem, though.
我的房子不夠大 My house isn't big enough.
但你的夠大 But yours is.
我最近參加的一個派對都要追溯到高中了 Last party I had was senior year in high school.
那晚是我經歷過最美麗的夜晚 Yeah, that was, like, the best night of my life.
我們全都與妓女們攪在一起 We all hooked up with chicks.
為什么不再來一次呢 Come on, why not do that again?
因為我們已經有女人和小孩了 Because we already have chicks and kids
還有很高的膽固醇 所以 ...and high cholesterol now, so just...
是時候向前看了 今晚你要和迪一起來 It's time to move on. You want to come over tonight with Dee,
好吧 that's fine... I think.
我要問下我老婆 I got to ask my wife first.
好吧 小痞子 Okay, gangsta.
你從哪里買到這些鞋子的 Hey, hey, where'd you get those shoes,
網店
...Losers "R" Us?
我做的 I made them.
你做的 You made them?
在廁所里 In a toilet?
那孩子喜歡白色的東西 That kid's like White Precious.
走開 達菲 Get lost, Duffy.
別管她 Yeah, leave her alone.
你說了什么 小矮子 Hey, what'd you say, Hollywood?
-你有什么想對我說的 -沒啊 -You got something to say to me? -Nothing, nothing, nothing.
注意了 卡馬特的購物者們 Attention, Kmart shoppers,
讓我們找個位置坐下 ...let's find a seat, please.
是的 你的迷彩軍裝 Yes, you in the camouflage jacket
美國著名女歌手 音樂界的"美麗花蝴蝶"
和瑪麗亞·凱里的發型 and Mariah Carey hairdo.
是的 讓個位置出來 謝謝 Yeah, just pop a squat, thank you.
你爸不會再這一整天的 You're lucky your dad's here, but he won't be here all day.
別管我 Leave me alone.
有手有腳的沙包 Beanbag with arms and legs,
在有人受傷之前 seriously, take a seat,
坐下吧 or seats, before someone gets hurt.
你死定了 You're dead, man.
我有一些事情要做 I'm gonna go get some things done,
然后去參加我女兒的芭蕾獨演會 and then I'm gonna go to my daughter's ballet recital,
所以直到午飯前你是一個人 so you're on your own until lunchtime.
別擔心 沒人會來的 No worries. No one will come in anyway.
是的 Right.
倫納德有說起過我嗎 Does Leonard ever talk about me?
哪個倫納德 Leonard?
你老公 Your husband.
倫尼 Lenny.
在這里工作之前我大概就跟你說過 I probably should have told you this before I started working here,
他曾經是我的男朋友 but he used to be my boyfriend.
你們什么時候在一起的 When did you guys go out?
六年級時 Sixth grade.
曾有一次 This one time,
課間的時候 我們分了一塊泡泡糖 we split a piece of bubble gum at recess.
我帶了一張他寫給我的紙條 I brought in a note
我覺得你應該看看 that he sent me, and I thought you should see it.
對你保密讓我覺得很奇怪 I just felt weird having a secret with you.
你覺得我帶發夾還是發帶好看 "Do you like my hair better in a barrette or a headband?"
這是我寫的 That's what I wrote.
發夾 "Barrette."
這是他回我的 And that was his response.
我一直帶著會困擾你們嗎 Does it bother you that I still wear it?
不 我很喜歡 No, no, no, I think it's sweet.
我覺得他還對我有感覺 I think he still has feelings for me.
我要去上班了 I'm gonna go work out now.
你真的認為一個苗條 健美的體型 Do you really think that a tight, toned body
會讓他遠離他曾經的女人嗎 will keep him away from his Hubba Bubba baby?
希望吧 再見 I hope so. Bye.
你惹了不該惹的人 姑娘 You just messed with the wrong girl, chica!
他們在我的寶貝身上噴漆 They spray-painted my baby.
嘖嘖 他們都拼對了 Gee, and everything's spelled right.
這不可能是我的學生 These can't be my students.
祝你開心 長發公主 Have a nice day, Rapunzel.
你相信這個嗎 Hey, guys, can you believe this?
六月了 六月了 六月了 Calendar turns to June,
我可愛的學生們成了野獸 my wonderful students, they become animals.
俏皮粉紅豹
可能是因為你一直在babyGap Maybe they're just mad that you keep going
買衣服逼瘋了他們 to the babyGap to buy your clothes.
早上好 塔爾迪奧校長 Hey, Principal Tardio, good morning.
快去上課 Right to class, right to class.
你暑假的最后一騎如何 尼克 How was your last ride in before the summer, Nick?
記住 今天只有半天的工作時間 Remember, today is only a half a day.
-也只有半件衣服 是嗎 -什么 -And a half a shirt, right? -What?
-我說他想向你招手 -I said he wants to wave good-bye to you. -Okay.
-他來了 -我也對暑假充滿期望 -Here he goes. -I'm excited about the summer, too.
那是我的筆記本 不防水的 Hey, that's my laptop! That's not waterproof!
-小猴子 -夏天 -Monkey boy, monkey boy. -Summer!
-小猴子 -夏天 -Monkey boy. -Summer!
夏天 夏天 Summer! Summer!
你覺得怎樣 So, what do you think?
我直接帶你去上班嗎 Do I take you straight to work?
我有個預約必須要去 I got one appointment
在早上八點到下午四點之間 ...I got to get to sometime between 8:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m.
-好吧 -但她可以等 -Okay. -But she can wait.
看看這個 Good. And look at this.
他又回來了 He's back at it again.
他再沒去工作 Why isn't he at work?
因為 他被這個女人玩弄著 He's just... This woman has a grip on him.
這太荒謬了 這會毀了他的婚姻 It's ridiculous. It's gonna ruin his marriage.
謝謝你的早餐 媽 Thank you for breakfast, Mommy.
你會來看我們的演出嗎 Will you be coming by to watch Days of Our Lives later?
我要去查到哪個雙胞胎殺了雷納爾多 記得嗎 Well, we got to find out which twin murdered Renaldo, right?
應該的 We sure do.
-好的 -羅蒙諾索夫先生 -Okay. -Hey, Mrs. Lamonsoff,
你好 good to see you.
不錯的校車 倫尼 Nice school bus, Lenny.
謝謝 祝你好運 Thank you. Have a great day.
媽媽沒犯錯了嗎 Did Mommy make the boo-boo go away?
別告訴我老婆 Don't tell the wife.
你們在做什么 What are you guys doing?
進來 進來 Get in.
尼克 Oh, hey, Nick.
好的 Nice. Nice.
我們來做這個 Let's hit it.
看好了 Watch this.
你要尊重他 You got to respect that.
太棒了 That was awesome.
倫尼怎么了 他們小時候是多么可愛 What's Lenny's problem? They're so cute when they're little.
我知道 我也想念那時候 I know. I miss it.
羅尼啊 Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie.
你真的想念那時候嗎 You miss that? Really?
別動 Stay. Stay.
別對著我低吼 Don't you growl at me.
別動 寶貝 Stay, baby, Stay.
不好意思 Excuse me.
當老師進來的時候你的孩子會在這里嗎 Is your kid gonna be in here when the instructor comes in?
這不是我的孩子 That's not my kid.
他是我的愛人 而且非常紳士 That's my lover, and he's very gentle.
小孩不屬于這里 Kids don't belong in here.
那個皮帶最好別讓我跌倒了 That leash better not trip me up.
皮帶不會絆到你的 Leash isn't gonna trip you up.
是你的大屁股和多毛的腳會絆倒你 It's your big-ass, hairy man feet that are gonna trip you up.
她只是在開玩笑 She was just joking around, sir.
放松點 你會讓我們被殺掉的 Cool it. You're gonna get us killed.
對不起 我今天很難受 I'm sorry. I'm having the worst day.
歡迎來到深蹲健身 女士們 Welcome to Squat Fitness, ladies.
很顯然你們的指導老師來晚了 Apparently your new instructor's running a bit late.
不好意思 還有五分鐘就到 I'm sorry. It's only five till...
所以他要我帶著你們做些熱身活動 Yeah, so he asked me to lead you in some warm-up exercises.
所以 大家伙們 抬起你們的腳 So, everybody, up on your feet,
一起深呼吸 and let's take a deep breath.
很好 Good.
更深一點 把你的肺都掏空 Deeper... Really stretch out those lungs.
現在 讓我們擺動起來 And now let's shimmy.
甩動你的肩膀 Shake the shoulders back and forth.
繼續甩動 Shake them.
很好 Very good, very good.
耶 Yeah, oh, yeah.
接下來我們做一些深蹲 Now let's do some jackhammer squats.
把你的手放在身前 像這樣 放松 Right, put your hands in front of you like this. Just relax.
快速的上下 And then squat up and down but fast.
快一點 快一點 就是這樣 Faster, faster, there you go.
快一點 Really fast.
加快 加快 Faster, faster.
太快了 踩個小剎車 Too fast. Do it a little slower.
現在 所有人轉過去 Now, everybody turn,
面對著房間的后墻 俯身下去 face the back of the room, bend over,
直到你的腳趾 and reach for your toes.
我們為什么要轉身 Why do we have to turn around?
請 If you please.
彎下去 越低越好 And bend over as low as you can go.
舉起你的右手 輕輕的拍在你的右邊屁股上 Now take the right hand and slap it against the right cheek.
放松你的手腕 拍你右邊的屁股 拍 Relax the wrist and slap that right butt, slap it.
很好 我想要聽到拍打的聲音 Good, I want to hear that slap.
真美妙 Yes, this is wonderful.
早上好 Morning, ladies.
你們不等我就開始了 You started without me?
是的 就像你說的 Yes, just like you asked me to.
幫我騙下她們 Say it's true even if it isn't.
什么 What?
你喜歡這個 You loved it! You loved it!
這才是我的男孩 Yeah, that's my boy.
-好了 -你們都是妓女 -All right. -You're all prostitutes!
我是凱爾 Anyway. I'm Kyle,
歡迎你來到健身暑期101班 and welcome to the summer session of Squatrobics 101.
我希望他們換種叫法 他們就是這樣告訴我的 I wish they called it something else, but that's what they told me to say.
在我們真正開始之前 Okay, so, before we start for real,
有什么問題嗎 any questions?
有 Yes.
你結婚了嗎 Are you married?
沒 No.
我單身 Nope, I'm... I'm single.
說吧 Yeah.
我忘了 你是那么的優秀 我頭都暈了 I forgot. You're so gorgeous, my head is spinning.
對不起 I'm sorry. God.
繼續 Go ahead.
我有一個非常重要的問題 由兩個部分組成 I have a very important question, and it's a two-parter.
第一部分是 是科學家讓你呆在實驗室里的嗎 The first part of the question is, "Did a scientist make you in a lab?"
第二個是 And the second part of the question is,
我能把我的舌頭黏在你的喉嚨里嗎 "Can I stick my tongue down your throat, please?"
好吧大家 我很開心 真的 All right, guys, look, I'm flattered. Really, I am,
但恰巧你們大多數都結婚了 而我是個同性戀 but most of you are married and I happen to be gay.
他當然是 Of course he is.
-全部 -這都很糟糕 -All of 'em. -That sucks!
太浪費了 What a waste!
別碰我的包 小孩 Stay out of my bag, little man.
她怎么有這個 Why does she have this?
那不是護身內褲 是丁字褲 That's not a jock strap, that's a G-string.
好吧 Well, well, well,
如果這不是好萊塢 if it isn't Hollywood
和廣場 and the Squares.
馬爾科姆 我不知道你在卡馬特工作 Hey, Malcolm, I didn't know you worked at Kmart,
你的頭上的毛當然不會知道 and apparently the hair on top of your head didn't know it, either.
什么 What?
幫我一個忙 這樣做 Do me a favor, go like this.
我覺得我牙齒里有東西 I think I got something in my teeth.
-什么 -你知道的 -What? -You know,
下次 你應該在頭上放滿草頭娃娃 next time, you should use that Chia Pet stuff on your whole head.
什么 What?
希金斯怎么在買 Why is Higgins buying
OJ的刀 O.J.'s knife right now?
-你認為你很堅強 -馬爾科姆 -You think you're tough? -Hey, Malcolm,
這是印第安人用來切下你頭皮的刀嗎 is that the knife the Indians used to half-scalp you with?
我不知道你在說什么 I don't even get that.
什么 What?
我們讓他開心點 Come on, let's cheer him up
用本尼·希爾的方法 來吧 Benny Hill-style. Here we go.
你覺得好一些了嗎 Does that make you feel better?
你的小孩怎么樣了 Yo, Crocodile Dumb-dee, how'd it go with the kid?
很好 在學校 Good, good. He's in school.
一整天都在學校 Kid's in school for one day?
不然呢 他是個暴徒 I didn't know what else to do. He's a thug, Lenny.
他把泰迪熊的頭切下來了 能想像他會對我做什么嗎 He cut the head off a teddy bear. Imagine what he'll do to me.
所以你要買這個切下他的頭 So you're gonna buy this to cut his head off?
不 我只是想讓他明白我會切下他的頭 No, I just want him to think I'll cut his head off
所以他不會對我有想法了 so then he won't cut my head off.
你想不通過一個永久的傷疤來恐嚇一個親人 You want to scare a relative without causing permanent injury?
我建議這樣 May I Suggest this?
你能下床嗎 Sir? Sir? Can you get off the bed?
起床時間到了 It's wake-up time.
好吧 奶奶我起來了 別對我喊了 Yeah, all right, Grandma, I'm up! Stop yelling at me.
現在 為什么這么刻薄 Now, why is... Being mean?
因為你總是在吼 I like sleeping over. It's just you always yell.
你不需要兇我的 You don't have to yell at me.
我愛你 I love you.
我不明白義 I don't understand.
清理 第九道 Clean-up, aisle nine.
別碰我 Get out of me!
再帶個鏟子 And bring a shovel.
我兒子本匹告訴我 So, my son Bumpty told me
今天他要在學校約你女兒 he's gonna ask your daughter out on a date at school today.
首先 我女兒從沒約會過 First of all, my daughter's never been out on a date before,
所以我確定她不會和一個叫本匹的小孩約會的 and I'm sure she's not gonna start off with some kid named Bumpty.
他是跟她同級的唯一一個黑人小孩 He is the only other black kid in her grade.
等一下 你想讓她和一個白人約會 Wait, you want her to date a white guy?
是的 法拉堪 Yeah, Farrakhan.
我寧愿她和最蒼白的白人也不會 I'd rather she date the whitest white guy in the world
和你的小禿頭孩子約會 than your little bald-headed boy.
好的 但是 別在她答應的時候傷心了 All right, but, you know, don't worry when she says yes,
因為我已經告訴過我的孩子了 'cause I already had the talk with him.
-告訴了什么 -約會 -What talk? -Dating.
我跟他說了我是如何在高中里和女生約會的 I told him how we used to roll with the ladies in high school.
你知道的 You know, beep-beep.
什么 What?
我要給我的孩子準備些防狼噴霧劑 I should get some pepper spray for my kid.
一些白癡在車上總是欺負他 Some moron on the bus keeps messing with him,
他卻不肯碰手 and he refuses to fight back.
這讓我想起了一個我認識的人 You know, that reminds me of someone I know.
-誰 -你 -Who? -You.
為什么這樣說 從前我可是一名小斗士 What are you talking about? I got in plenty of fights.
記得九年級的時候 Remember ninth grade when Tommy Cavanaugh
湯米·卡瓦諾從德克薩斯轉學過來 moved here from Texas?
他不停的欺負你 你卻毫無反應 He nonstop abused you, and you did nothing about it.
湯米·卡瓦諾是個類固醇怪物 Tommy Cavanaugh was a 'row freak.
他的背上全是痘痘 He had back zits on his back zits.
加上他經常跟我開玩笑 Plus, he was joking around with me.
如果他真敢欺負我 對天發誓我一定一拳打暈他 If it was real, I swear to God, I would've knocked him out.
卡瓦諾不是在那嗎 Hey, isn't that Cavanaugh right there?
哪 Where?
看到了嗎 Gotcha.
這真有趣 That was really funny, man, really funny.
你不正好是我們成長路上的勇氣隊長嗎 Hey, you weren't exactly Captain Courageous
現在不是了嗎 ...when we were growing up, now, were you?
我從不會畏懼一場戰斗的 Hey, I never backed out of a fight, though.
但你有沒有在35歲的時候在采石場跳樓自殺過呢 Yeah, but did you ever jump off Suicide 35 at the quarry?
好吧 That's right.
他總會找理由來搪塞 He always came up with a lame excuse not to do it.
-你在想什么 -我不行 -What are you talking about? -"I can't.
我在我的人生頂峰 會引來殺身之禍的 "I'm on my period. It'll attract sharks."
站在石頭的最頂端 離水面有35英尺 Suicide 35 off the top rock. 35 feet above the water.
我媽在她懷孕的時候帶著我跳過 My mom did that jump when she was pregnant with me.
這里有個木筏嗎 There's a raft in there?
誰做的 Who did that?
好了 同學們 坐下吧 All right, little birds. Find your nests, man.
慢慢的坐下 我們開始了 Float down. There we go, and we're in.
好了 All right, guys,
通常學期末不會有什么激動人心的消息 normally we don't have exciting news this late into the term,
但今天有個新學生 but we have a new student
要加入我們 布雷登 希金斯 ...joining us today, Braden Higgins.
那里有個空座位 伙計 Hey, there's an empty seat over there, man.
你怎么不去那坐下 Why don't you go cop a squat?
或者去那邊 Or go that way, man.
自己選 Take your own path.
不 No.
我要坐在這 I sit here.
你爸是馬庫斯·希金斯嗎 Is your dad Marcus Higgins?
在他還是個嬰兒的時候我就認識他 他最有趣了 Yeah, I've known him since I was a baby. He's the funniest.
最棒 最好的男人 The best. Great, great man.
我想敲碎他的臉 I want to smash his face.
-我也是 -我討厭那個家伙 -Yeah, me, too. -Yeah, I hate that guy.
去他的 Screw him.
夏洛特 別走 Yo, Charlotte, hold up, hold up. Question...
你想怎樣過你夏天的第一個晚上 How would you like to spend the first night of summer
積極向上呢 with a hardcore up-and-comer?
什么意思 What does that mean?
他是在約你出去 I think he's asking you out.
他是嗎 He is?
你是嗎 You are?
我不撒謊的 I don't make stuff up.
唐娜能來嗎 Well, can Donna come?
三個人太多了 麥克勞德 Three's a crowd, McCloud.
就這么簡單 No, he didn't. Yes, he did.
夏洛特 這是個約會 你第一個約會 It's okay, Charlotte. It's a date, your first date.
只有你們倆 Just you two.
好吧 All right. I mean,
我要問下我的爸媽 I'd have to ask my parents,
但我覺得沒問題 but I think that would be okay.
本匹 Hey, Bumpty.
你以為因為是學校的最后一天 You think just because it's the last day of school,
你就可以在整個學校為所欲為了嗎 you can sit and socialize the entire period?
我沒這樣想過 矮子女士 I don't think about stuff like that, Lady Shorts.
你能快點想嗎 Well, can you think fast?
誰想看我爬繩子 Who wants to watch me climb a rope?
你是最棒的 You're the man!
他把那些復活節彩蛋放回籃子里 Yo, he's got to put those Easter eggs back in the basket. Dang!
凱利 別發出這種聲音 Kelly, I don't want to hear it!
我受不了了 I can't take it anymore!
真希望從沒見過你 I wish I never had you!
停下來 停下來 Stop it! Stop it!
看到了嗎 這就是為什么我不想要四個小孩 See, that's why I don't want four kids.
-是的 四個小孩會逼瘋人的 -Yeah, people with four just lose their minds. -Yeah.
他們吵鬧尖叫 They're yelling, they're screaming.
他們有時為了睡覺跑進拘留所里 Sometimes they go to jail just to get some sleep.
冷靜 Hold up. Hang on.
有個飽嗝要來了 I got a burpsnart coming.
-快 -你要教我你是怎樣做的 -Come on. -You got to teach me how you do that.
-打嗝噴嚏放屁三連拍 -很簡單 -A burpsnart? It's simple. -Yeah.
從打嗝開始 You just start with a burp,
然后吞進一些空氣 打嗝噴嚏 繼續 then you sniff for a sneeze, you get that going,
然后你就可以打出一個屁了 and that triggers a fart, always.
這輛校車怎么了 What's up with this school bus?
我偷了它 Okay. I stole it.
什么 舉起你的手 What? Put your hands in the air.
And wave them like you just don't care "ho"
"ho"
我聽說你今晚有個派對 倫尼 I heard you're having a party tonight, Lenny.
什么 沒有派對啊 What? I'm not having a party.
你從哪里聽到的 Where did you hear that?
他是個警察 什么都知道 He's a cop. He hears everything.
天啊 Oh, God.
看啊 是曼格姆 P U Look, it's Magnum P.U.
我還是不能相信 在你小時候 Look at him getting all serious. I still can't believe
做了那么多變態的事之后 你成為了一個警察 you're a cop after all the sick stuff you did growing up.
偷了你家里的雪地車拿去換 The Peter Dante who stole your parents' snowmobile
毒品的皮特·但丁死了 費德 and sold it to purchase crack cocaine is dead, Feder.
法律在這一方面挺好的 This side of the law is way better.
你不得不愛上它的服務和保護 To serve and protect. Got to love it.
麥肯齊 我聽見你在欺負誰 Hey, McKenzie, I heard you assaulted somebody in there.
我沒欺負誰 我只是在掐你的弟弟 I didn't assault anybody. I just choked out your brother.
他應得的 他瘋了 Yeah, he deserves it. He's crazy.
我們有五分鐘的時間到那愚蠢的獨演會 We got five minutes to get to that stupid recital.
什么 獨演會 Recital?
-在麥克唐納小學 -是的 -At McDonough Elementary? -Yes.
-我能去嗎 -為什么 -Can I come? -Why?
相信我 所有人都要去 Trust me. Everybody's got to go.
只有五分鐘 我們到不了了 We got five minutes. We're never gonna make it there.
到的了的 You'll get there on time,
因為我們要為你提供一個總統護送服務 'cause we're gonna give you a four-alarm presidential police escort.
這不是違法了嗎 Isn't that against the law?
老子就是法 I am the law!
發生什么了 發生什么了 發生什么了 What's happening?
剛剛發生了什么 Oh, my God! What just happened?
歡迎各位家長來到學校紀念日的最后一場表演 Welcome, parents, to final performance of school year,
我們美麗的六月的 our June-a-licious
五月盛典 Dance Spectacular!
今年呢 Now, for this year,
我們做一些 we go throwing a few
嘻哈的動作 hip-hop moves in there.
像這樣 Like this.
跳起來很有意思 Is fun to dance.
讓這場秀開始吧 Let the show begin.
謝謝你們邀請你的朋友還有公車司機 So nice of you to invite your friends and the bus driver
和警察來到我們女兒的舞蹈獨演會 and the police force to our daughter's dance recital.
是的 一大群粉絲 Yeah, huge ballet fans, all of them.
她真可愛 She's so cute.
-她太可愛了 -不是嘛 -So cute. -She's adorable, isn't she?
她是很可愛 She is adorable.
-太驚奇了 -不敢相信 -Fantastic stuff. -Unbelievable.
-看著她 -我在 -Look at her go. -I am.
我在看著她 I'm looking at her.
我要以擾亂人心的罪名逮捕她 I want to arrest her for disturbing the peace.
我的小伙伴都激動起來了 In my pants.
太爽了 I'm having a wonderful time.
她有SOLO嗎 She's got a solo?
什么 What?
沒什么 我只是希望你們 It's fine. I just wish
能在告訴我我們要開派對之前 ...that you would give me more than eight hours notice
能給我八個小時以上的時間 寶貝 before you tell me that we're throwing a party, babe.
這不是派對 It's not a party. Get out of here.
-大家都來了 -別這樣 -It's a couple people coming by. -Come on.
你喜歡嗎 How'd you like it?
你真棒 親愛的 -You were great, honey. -Hey!
你在哪學的跳舞 Where did you learn to dance like that?
她動起來像雅歌兒 不是嗎 She moves like "Yagger," no?
是的 她像 像 Yes, she does, she moves like...
英國搖滾樂手 滾石樂隊創始成員之一
米克·雅歌兒 你想說這個 Mick Yagger? Is that what you were saying?
小面包 準備吃點什么嗎 Hey, butter buns, you ready to grab some eats?
是的 Yes.
卡瓦諾啊 Cavanaugh.
倫尼 費德 操蛋的 Lenny Feder, I'll be damned.
親愛的 這是湯米·卡瓦諾 Honey, this is Tommy Cavanaugh.
他是我小時候認識的生化戰士 He was my old steroid that I grew up with.
這是我的 This is my...
妻子 羅克珊 Wife, Roxanne.
你的手為什么在抖 爸爸 Why are your hands shaking, Daddy?
我的手在抖 My hands are shaking?
肯定是我早上 Probably because I
喝了太多咖啡 had too much coffee this morning, sweetheart.
我聽說你到處在說 你想和我打一架 I heard you been running around saying you could take me in a fight.
你 我沒這樣說過 You... I wouldn't say that.
你說了 在卡馬特 早上 Yeah, you did, this morning in Kmart.
卡馬特 我去過嗎 Kmart? Was I there?
-我不覺得我去過 -你知道的 -I don't think I was there. -You know,
關于這個家伙我能想起的就是 all I can remember about this guy
無論何時都可以揍他 is smacking him around whenever I wanted to,
而他屁都不會放一個 and him not doing a single thing about it.
是的 我們都有如此美妙的童年回憶 Yeah, we had a lot of good times like that growing up.
你的聲音為什么在發抖 你在哭嗎 Why is your voice so shaky, Daddy? Are you crying?
你別說了 好嗎 You don't stop talking, do you?
親愛的 我們應該走了 Honey, we should be getting going.
是的 Sure, baby.
我希望你別胡說八道了 I want you to stop making up lies about kicking my ass
否則我會讓你明白 or I'm gonna have to set you straight.
當然 Sure, sure, sure.
我會看著你的 I'll see you around.
貝基 你過了一個不錯的夏天 Becky, you be having great summer.
我差一點就要 I was one inch away
揍他一頓了 對天發誓 from knocking that guy out, and I swear to God.
不你沒有 No, you weren't.
這是個有關童年的聊天 This is grown-up talk,
所以別多管閑事 so butt out!
你瘋了嗎 你對他說了什么 That's insane! What did you say to him?
我說 卡瓦諾你要是敢在我家人 I said, "Hey, Cavanaugh, you speak to me like that again
面前再說這樣的話 我一定把你打的滿地找牙 "in front of my wife and kid, I will brush your teeth with a brick."
你沒有 你只是對著我叫而己 No, you didn't. You just yelled at me.
-我沒有對你叫 -冷靜下來 -I don't yell at you! -Calm down.
不 我只是在說話而已 No, I'm just saying.
你們太緊張了 You guys were in the bathroom.
看看誰來了 Look who's here, everybody.
世界最頂級的飲用水
20瓶VOSS 對嗎 20 VOSS waters, right?
-好萊塢就是這樣做的 -我不知道 -That's how they do it in Hollyweird. -I don't know.
我們還沒住進來呢 怎么 十個月還是什么 We haven't lived there in, what, 10 months now or something?
實際上呢 今晚開始 我們的孩子要在這里工作了 As a matter of fact, our son starts work here tonight.
我知道 聽見你說了 紅鼻子爸爸先生 I know. I heard you brown-nosed Mr. Pappas
肖比·朱尼爾有工作了 and now Showbiz Junior's got a job.
我曾在這里賣冰淇淋 他也行啊 I used to scoop cones here, and why shouldn't he?
對于一個孩子來說很好了 第一份工作 It's a great first job for a kid.
或者說一輩子的工作 Or lifetime job.
好了 我們有什么 Okay, what are we having?
貝基 你想要什么 Becky, what do you want, hon?
軟巧克力冰淇淋謝謝 Can I have the soft chocolate cup, please?
你永遠都聽不到這個 不行 Here's a word you probably never heard, no.
機器壞了 小公主 The machine's busted, princess.
不會吧 壞了 就像你的夢想一樣 Bummer, it's broken? Like all your dreams?
很容易修的 我可以幫你 You know what, it's easy to fix. I can help you with that.
你知道怎么修冰淇淋機 What do you know about fixing ice cream machines, Higgins?
美國德銳大學
我去了一年DeVry I went to DeVry for a year.
-很好 -我能修好所有有打混的東西 -That's right. -I can fix anything with a plug.
包括你的頭發 Including your hair?
這不科學 為什么要說我的頭發 That's not true. I don't even know how that got started.
人們 突然都開始這個 That's, like, people are saying that around town.
我會幫你修好的 I'll walk you through it.
我只要走過去 爬上機器 然后摸到機器背后 You just walk up, climb up the machine, lean over the back.
不敢相信我竟然聽這個白癡的 Can't believe I'm listening to this idiot.
聽他的 Listen to the man.
你會看到 You're gonna see
頂端有兩條管子 two pipes coming into the top.
-是的 -在它們中間 -Yes! -In between them,
有一個銀色按鈕 there's gonna be a silver button.
輕輕按下它 Hit it a little bit.
用力推 Push hard.
用拳頭敲 No. Hit it with your fist.
是的 推那個按鈕 Yeah, just push the button.
好了 -I got it. -There we go!
我想我們做對了 I think we're getting somewhere.
繼續 加油 是的 Okay, keep going. Yeah, that...
用力 就這樣 Force it. That's it.
為什么迪克在冰淇淋支架上拉得到處都是 Hey! Why is Dickie crapping all over the ice cream stand?
她說什么 What'd she say?
-沒什么 沒什么 -繼續 -Nothing! Nothing! -Go! Just go!
繼續 迪克 Go, Dickie!
冰淇淋就是這樣做出來的 That's where ice cream comes from?
就這樣 一個學年結束的時候到了 And so we've reached the end of another school year.
谷類早餐 很受歡迎
Froot Loop Froot Loop?
十個月 Ten months
去學習 成長 of learning, growth
對了 充滿希望 and, yes, hopefully,
還有一些樂趣 a little bit of fun.
但我們在九月份開始的旅途 But the journey we began together, in September,
并沒有就此結束 does not end today.
沒有按照固定的進度表開始和結束 For education is a process
對于教育來說是個進步 that does not begin and end on some set schedule...
請讓我說完 回到你的座位去 Please let me finish. Return to your seats.
你妹 Damn you!
你們每年都對我做這種事 Every year, you do this to me!
這是我從12歲起最喜歡的襯衫 And this was my favorite shirt from when I was 12!
最近怎么樣呢 大二的 How you doing, sophomore?
還好 大二的 Not bad, sophomore.
到這里來 Come here!
你并不是雕像 Hey, you're not a statue.
你是個該死的雕像 You' re an ass-me.
一點意思都沒有 Doesn't even make any sense.
閉嘴 Shut up!
什么 什么 什么 What? What? What?
沒事 沒事 沒事 Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
怎么了 What's up, man?
你爸來接你嗎 Your dad picking you up?
我不知道 I don't know.
我告訴他 如果他在食物救濟站呆得很晚 會很酷的 I told him it'd be cool if he stayed late at the soup kitchen,
所以這都怪我 so it's on me.
如果你愿意 你可以和我們一起坐公車 Well, you can come on the bus with us, if you want.
我們來做一些有趣的事 好嗎 Nah, how about we do something fun?
我們來做不應該做的事 怎么樣呢 How about we do something we're not supposed to?
"禁止進入" "Keep out."
那只會讓我想進去 That just makes me want to not keep out.
聽說以前我們的爸爸常常來這游泳 Heard our dads used to come swimming here, back in the day.
他們聲稱自己很清白很高尚 但我認為他們瘋了 They claim to be all squeaky clean, but I think they were nuts.
大學生 College kids.
我們最好走 We better go.
不 No go.
呆著 Stay.
他瘋了 He's nuts.
我們走 Let's go.
你們在干嘛 Where are you guys going?
加入派對吧 Join the party.
這里 一個 兩個 Here. One and two.
你們是新生嗎 Are you guys freshmen?
不 我們是大師兄 No. We're seniors.
我們剛剛變成大師兄 好像就是20分鐘之前的事 We just became seniors, like, 20 minutes ago.
不是高中小師兄 是大學大師兄 Not high school seniors, college seniors.
等等 Wait a minute!
我記起你們這些家伙了 I remember you guys.
你是斯庫利 You're Scully.
你是邦姆 You're Boomer.
到這里來 Come here.
我太喜歡你們這些家伙了 I love you guys so much.
-我也喜歡你 -女孩 我更愛你 -I love you, too. -Girl, I love you more.
我要走了 I'm gonna go.
爵士舞 Body shots!
不要走 No go.
呆著 Stay.
好吧 好吧 但這些啤酒呢 Okay, okay. But what about these beers, man?
如果我們不喝它們 他們會怪罪我們的 If we don't drink them, they'll be onto us,
還有我不確定我準備好喝啤酒沒 ...and I'm not sure I'm ready for beer yet.
等等 讓我們扔掉它們吧 沒人在看我們 Wait, let's just dump them when no one's looking,
然后裝作我們喝醉了 then act like we're drunk.
好主意 Okay. Good idea.
好 開始吧 All right, let's go.
暑假時光 Summertime.
你確定你想要這么做嗎 打退堂鼓并不是恥辱 You're sure you want to do this, big man? No shame in backing down.
-真的 -來 -Really? -Come on!
來 Come on.
這是一輩子的恥辱 It's a lifelong shame.
你終于要自殺了 這是個大日子 You're finally doing Suicide 35. It's a big day.
你害怕什么呢 What are you scared of, man?
你就是那個樹上蕩著繩子下來在空中轉了三圈 You're the "rope from the tree, triple flip,
像鳥一樣摔在地上的家伙 ...bird-crush" guy.
我不是害怕這 我曾做過這事 I'm not scared of this. In the past, I did it before.
但我現在就要做這事 But I'll do it right now.
好 好 繼續 Sure. Sure. Go ahead.
快 快 Do it. Do it.
但情況是這樣的 我僅僅是 But the thing is this, I just...
遲了45分鐘 I ate about 45 minutes ago.
你吃什么 What did you eat?
我吃雞肉炒面 I had chicken chow mein.
雞肉炒面 什么時候 Chicken chow mein? When did...
我們一直和你在一起 We were with you the whole time!
耶 你沒有看到 他們在卡馬特吃它 Yeah. You didn't see it? They had it at Kmart.
-他們吃雞肉炒面 -離開這 -They have chicken chow... -Get out of here.
-那里很好 對 -非常好 -It's good there. Yeah. -It's very good.
我剛才聽到什么 What do I hear right now?
看這 Look at this.
冰鎮啤酒 到處是性感美眉 Beers on ice. Hot ladies everywhere.
這就是過去我們常常做的 This is how we used to do it.
-這就是我仍然在做的 -他仍然那樣做 -This is how I still do it, buddy. -He does still do it that way.
你應該停止了 Well, you should stop.
這里是卡皮·伊塔·西格瑪的地盤 This is Kappa Eta Sigma property.
你們別想讓女士們發神經上了你們的床 So you might want to quit perving on our ladies
回到你們的房車上吧 and get back to your trailer homes.
好吧 放松 阿伯克龍比 Okay, easy there, Abercrombie.
我認為這是 I think it's...
我們比你先到這里 I think we've been around a little longer than you.
我們8歲時就在這游泳了 Been swimming here since we were eight years old,
所以你該鎮靜點 so you can calm down a little bit.
我相信這是你們在挑事了 I'm sure it was the bomb!
轉動你的Al 喬爾森唱片 Cranking your Al Jolson
打開你的晶體管收音機 ...tunes on your transistor radio.
但現在是21世紀 But it's the 21st century now.
矮胖子和肥駝子 And Thicky-Thick and the Flabby Bunch
永遠也不要脫掉襯衣 should never take their shirts off again.
-這太傷人了 -好吧 我承認我是個矮胖子 -That hurts. -Okay, I guess I'm Thicky-Thick.
我也不喜歡當個肥坨子 Yeah, well, I don't like being in the Flabby Bunch, either.
崩 就是這樣 Boom! That just happened.
著名Raper
自從艾米納姆玩毀滅公爵后 I haven't been around this many arrogant white college kids
我好久沒有處在傲慢的白人大學生當中了 since Eminem played Duke.
就是這樣 然后 There it goes. And then...
崩 Boom!
就是這樣 怎么了 That just happened. How was that?
美國黑人男演員 導演 制片
格洛夫 At least we got into college, skinny Danny Glover.
-長時間手工活 -那是石頭 布 剪刀 -Long handjob. -That's Rock, Paper, Scissors.
我覺得這結束了 I think it's over.
什么什么什么 -Hey, hey, hey! -What, what, what?
什么 What?
這就有點過了 And a little extra right there.
小伙伴 那是個不錯的握手 Hey, fellows, that was a good handshake.
我們也有 就像這樣 We got a good one, too. it goes like this.
-我們來 -你好嗎 先生 -Okay, here we go. -How you doing, sir?
見到你很高興 很好 先生 美好的一天 Nice to see you. Very good, sir.
-是啊 -至少我們沒有困在狗屎小鎮 -Beautiful day. -Yeah, at least we're not stuck
下半輩子掛在墻上 in some crap town like this, hanging up drywall for the rest of our lives.
掛在墻上 首先 Hanging drywall? First of all,
我會讓你知道我擁有很多漂亮的 I'll have you know that I own pretty much
鎮上最棒的汽車修理店 好嗎 the greatest auto body shop in town, all right?
這家伙在有線電視公司工作 This guy works for the cable company.
一輩子有線電視都是免費的 Free cable for life.
什么 What?
在那里 你知道希金斯 Over here, you know Higgins?
是啊 他在卡丁車車道做兼職 That's right, he works part-time down at the go-kart track.
所以他和你高價交易干板墻 So he was highballing you with the drywall.
崩 Boom!
這是真的 This just got real.
-真蠢 怎么了 -有些事是真的 -Real stupid? What happened? -Something's real.
-道基 道基 -Yeah... -Dougie, Dougie...
你們和我們一樣頹廢嗎 Are you guys as wasted as us?
見鬼 耶 一直都是 Hells, yeah! All the time!
喲 我們要給你們的三K黨一分鐘時間 Yo, we're gonna let you guys continue your Klan meeting in a minute.
他跳下這里 我們就離開 He's just gonna jump off of here, and then we'll leave.
我不允許 I can't permit that.
我不允許 I can't permit it!
不允許 Can't permit it.
你們在這里毀了我們的慶典 You guys have ruined our celebration by being here.
看我的手 哼 Look at my hands, huh?
他們在發抖 我好生氣 They're shaking, I'm so mad.
耶 看 我兄弟在發抖 Yeah, look, my brother's shaking.
-那是很酷的動作 -現在 聽我說 -That was a cool move. -Now, listen to me.
我要把這家伙打得落花流水 I'm gonna kick this kid's ass.
但我需要 大概 But I need, like,
11到15分鐘去熱身 好嗎 ...11 to 15 minutes to stretch out, okay?
我一定要熱身才行 I got to stretch. It's overlooked.
不 我知道 No, I understand.
我打不過這些家伙 I can't fight these kids.
我是皮包骨版的丹尼·格洛夫 I'm skinny Danny Glover.
這個家伙在你們后面做了11個空翻 Guys, this guy's doing 11 flips
出于一些不知道的原因 ...behind you for some unknown reason.
我們有孩子 我們玩不起 We got kids, we can't afford to do this.
兄弟 你不需要做最后一翻 Buddy, dude, you don't have to do that last flip.
不要那樣 會受傷的 Don't, like, get hurt.
找個時間 我們會回來的 We'll come back another time.
你們永遠也不會回來 You will come back never!
那正是 卡皮·伊塔·西格瑪的地盤 This is Kappa Eta Sigma property!
伙計 你們為什么這么瘋狂 Dude, why are you acting so crazy?
貝蒂懷特是不是說你瘋了 Did Betty White just call you crazy?
-他是不是叫你貝蒂懷特 -貝蒂懷特 -Did he just call you Betty White? -Betty White?
那很有趣 That's pretty funny.
我們就是這么瘋狂 We've got a situation!
你知道什么 伙計 伙計 You know what? Hey, guys? Guys?
-怎么了 伙計 -我們離開這里吧 -Hey, what's up, guys? -Let's get out of here.
聽著 見到大家真好 Listen, it's nice to meet everybody.
-我們要脫衣服 當作什么事情都沒發生 -保重 -We're gonna take off, but let's do this again. -Take care, guys.
-玩的愉快 -不是那邊 -Enjoy yourself. -Not that way.
這有個電梯嗎 Is there an elevator?
那邊 That way.
不是吧 你是認真的 你要我跳 Come on, are you serious? You gonna make us jump?
裸著的 Naked.
混蛋 Asshole.
你們是失敗者 You guys are losers.
不要擔心 它變大了 Don't worry, it gets bigger.
那可憐的老婦人 That poor old lady!
麻痹 Rm Paralyzed!
我好痛 I'm in so much pain!
媽咪 Mama!
不 No!
我都進入你的體內了 I was inside you!
不敢相信 沒人害怕黑人了 I can't believe nobody's even scared of a black guy anymore!
去死吧 奧巴馬 Damn you, Obama!
什么情況 What the hell just happened?
我看到了老爸的老鳥 I saw my dad's dick.
不過 好消息是羅蒙諾索夫真的跳水了 Well, the good news is Lamonsoff finally did the jump for real.
壞消息是他掉在我臉上 And the bad news is he landed on my face.
你是石頭做的嗎 哥們 What are you, made of rocks, dude?
看這里 摸摸 不騙你 Check this out, feel this. I'm not kidding you.
就在這 上來一些 Right up here.
更高一些 I think even higher.
-摸到了嗎 -然后 -Feel that. -And?
把手放在這里 Put your hand right there.
摸到另外一粒了吧 這倆是我的蛋蛋 Feel the other one. Those are my balls.
不開玩笑 它們跑上來了 I'm not kidding you, they went way up in there.
你讓我性奮了 You're getting me turned on.
你開玩笑的吧 Are you kidding me?
什么情況 What?
他們放了我們車的氣 They slashed our tires!
這些熊孩子一直在羞辱我們 These kids won't stop abusing us!
去死吧 Damn you!
不是那些大學生 This wasn't college kids.
是我兒子 撒旦 It was my son, Satan.
這孩子的脾氣怎么這么大呢 And why is this kid so angry?
他媽媽老是打嗝 但是她很快樂 還很辣 His mom hiccupped a lot, but she was happy! And hot.
要是她很辣 If she's so hot,
你為何不找她做你的深夜炮友 why don't you make her your late-night booty call?
猛女 別這樣 寶貝 Beefcakes! Come on, baby!
你和法比奧搞在一起 You've been sneaking around with Fabio?
這不好笑 哥們 等會她會把我揍尿的 It's not funny, dude! She's gonna kick the crap out of me later!
-少許五小時能量液 -是的 -A little five-hour Energy, huh? -Yeah.
五百小時能量液 500-hour Energy?
我喝是為的口欲 知道嗎 I drink it for the taste, okay?
天吶 你等會就這么恍惚地開去佛羅里達 Oh, my God, you gonna jog to Florida after this?
不 No!
小驚喜 A bonus!
來吧 你只要鉆進去坐在里頭就好 Come on, just cram yourself in there.
我說哥們 我太大只了 坐不下 My body, it's just too big for this thing. I can't fit.
希金斯 二貨 鉆進去一下 Higgins, dummy, hop in this thing for a minute.
-干嘛 -只管鉆進輪胎就好 -For what? -Just get in the tire.
-沒門 到那里去 -五碼 我們就接住你 -No way! In there? -Five yards we'll roll you.
我們試過了 如果我能塞進去 我就自己來了 We've done it. I would do it if I could get in there.
這是同齡壓力 你在恐嚇我 This is peer pressure, you're bullying.
我發誓 我會接住你的 我愛你 And I promise you I'll stop you and I love you.
別讓他來 他剛喝了超多果汁 Don't let him do it. He's jacked up on juice.
一呀 二呀 And a-one, and a-two...
-媽媽會接住你的 -三呀 -Mommy's got you. -...and a-three!
-好吧 五碼 接住我 -你好 -Okay, five feet. Grab me. -Y'ello.
-倫尼 -基思 -Lenny! -Hey, Keithie.
足球場見 但別告訴你媽媽 Meet me at the football field, but don't tell your mother.
我為什么還在滾 Why am I still rolling?
倫尼 Lenny!
救命 Help!
伙計們 救我 Guys, get me!
-抓緊 -我要滾下山了 -Hang in there! -I'm going downhill!
倫尼 不 不 Lenny! No! No!
什么時候是個頭啊 When will it end?
夏天來到了 哥們 Yeah. Summer is here, man!
救命 停下 不 Help! Stop! No!
輪胎亂滾 Tire on the loose!
弗拉祖 開槍 快 Fluzoo, shotgun, now!
來人啊 Someone!
希金斯在輪胎里 Higgins is in the tire!
還能是誰 Of course.
-救命 -追上它 -Help! -Get there!
救命 Help!
-騙子 -不 不 寶貝 -Liar! -No, no, baby!
不 不 來人啊 No! No! Someone!
秀結束了 輪胎 Shaw's over, tire.
我是下一個 I'm next.
-我才是 -不 我才是下一個 -I got next! -No, I'm next!
這是我的輪胎 輪到我了 It's my tire! My turn!
發生什么事 What happened?
我接了個電話 I got a phone call.
好吧 我原諒你 Okay. I forgive you.
滾了很遠嗎 Was it long-distance or something?
別在人家滾下來的時候加一腳 希金斯 Don't want to kick a guy while he's down, Higgins,
我們抓住你兒子 他有一罐噴漆 but we caught your son with a can of spray paint
看起來他干了壞事 looking like he was up to no good.
你騙我說那是湯 You lied about the soup.
你騙我說那是湯 You lied about the soup!
我們得找出這些混蛋 We are gonna find those fartheads,
弄死他們 and we are gonna kill them.
弄死他們 Kill!
殺 殺 殺 殺 殺 Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
不 伙計們 不是弄死自己人 No, guys! Not each other!
不要互相殘殺 We're not killing each other!
基思 基思 基思 Keithie, Keithie, Keithie!
練習而已 唐娜 別火力全開嘛 It's a practice, Donna. You don't have to go full speed.
抱歉 費德先生 Sorry, Mr. Feder.
沒關系 It's fine!
瞧瞧那些大塊頭野獸 Hey, look at these giant mooses out there.
你不會愿意成為其中一員的 You don't want to get in the middle of all that.
另外 發球員 說實話 Plus, the kicker, honestly,
是隊里最重要的角色 ...is like, one of the most important guys on the team
你不用擔心自己的腦袋 每場比賽都被胖揍 and you don't have to worry about getting your head bashed in every play.
我知道 爸爸 我就是個慫貨 I get it, Dad. I'm a wimp.
你不是慫貨 You're not a wimp.
只是正常反應 It's just common sense.
避開試圖傷害你的大傻瓜 Avoid big idiots trying to hurt you.
我試著避開一個大傻瓜 I was trying to avoid a big idiot
今早 在校車上 他想揍我 ...trying to hurt me on the bus this morning,
但是 他不會放過我的 but he wouldn't leave me alone.
有時候他們不會讓你避開 Well, sometimes they won't let you avoid them,
而你只要 這種情況下 你不能后退 and you just... You can't back down in those situations.
告訴你 有些時候我會后退 I'm telling you, I've backed down a few times,
那感覺非常不好 it's not a good feeling.
算了 聽著 還是做幾次射門吧 All right, look, let's just kick a few field goals.
像足球運動員那樣 這是你擅長的 It's like soccer, which you're great at.
你要做的就是用腳直奔足球 All you got to do is put your foot right through the ball.
什么情況 What?
觸地得分 耶 Touchdown! Yeah!
耶 Yeah!
搞笑吧 你第一次踢 That's ridiculous! Your first try?
好吧 后退一些 孩子 All right, we're backing up, boy.
太帥了 基思 太酷了 That was totally awesome, Keithie! That was so cool!
就一個字 帥 That was just, like, awesome!
好的 照死了踢 Okay, drive through the ball.
照死了踢 Drive through the ball.
好棒 It's up!
加油 基思 Yeah! Go, Keithie!
好 你今早吃了什么 Yes! What did you eat this morning?
好的 這水平快趕上大學水平了 All right, this is starting to get into, like, college level.
30碼 From the 30!
這孩子究竟是什么怪物 Who the hell is this kid?
我的天 Oh, my God!
我想她是不是喜歡上你了 I'm starting to think she has a little crush on you.
真的 Really?
要么是這樣 要么她就是被毒蜘蛛咬了 Either that or she got bit by a poisonous spider.
基思 Keithie!
好的 讓我們瞧瞧 你在真正比賽中的表現 All right, let's see how you do in a real game situation, though.
好嗎 我來扮演后衛 Okay? Let's pretend I'm a linebacker,
我要撞你 試圖截球 and I'm gonna come at you and try and block it.
好的 Okay.
開始 Set!
海克 我是瘋狂的后衛 Hike! I'm a crazy linebacker!
把球給我 Give me that football!
我的腿 My leg!
基思 Keithie!
別告訴你媽媽 Don't tell your mother!
好吧 這孩子死了 回去訓練 All right, that kid's dead. Back to work.
還記得怎么五點轉向嗎 Now, you remember how to do a five-point turn, right?
記得 Yeah.
-側方停車呢 -記得 記得 -Parallel park? -Yeah, yeah.
別敷衍我 混球 Hey, don't "yeah, yeah" me, dumb-ass.
你可是貴重物品 You're precious cargo.
如果你搞砸 被"斃"了 Now, if you mess around and get yourself killed,
我就斃了你 I'm gonna have to kill you.
聽著 爸爸 我準備充分 好不好 Look, Dad, I'm ready for this, all right?
你遲到了 You're late.
你好 麥肯齊 Hello, McKenzie.
威利 你好嗎 Hey, Wiley, how you feeling?
做了兩年這樣的動作 Just two years of this.
我的身體還能保有40%的感覺 And I still only have 40% feeling in my body.
也就是說 我很好 Otherwise, I'm fine.
不 蕾哈娜才是 No, Rihanna's fine.
你不過是個培訓駕駛員的 You just teach driver's ed.
要過哦 兒子 Get her done, son!
記住我對你說的一切 And remember everything we talked about!
防御性駕駛 Defensive driving!
所有黃線前停車 Stop at all yellows!
遵守法規 Obey the laws!
-沒長眼 -看路 -You moron! -Look out!
小心點 別學我 Be safe! Don't do what I just did!
警官 你們想多留一會嗎 Hey, officers, you guys want to stick around
跟我喝一杯 然后出去玩一會 and have a drink with me, hang out a little bit?
你怕我們把你和你兒子 單獨留下 You're afraid of us leaving you alone with your son, aren't you?
我兒子 開玩笑 我不怕 My son... Are you kidding me? I don't care...
-崩 -他有刀子 -Boo! -He's got a knife!
聽起來很危險 那一跳有多高 That sounds dangerous. How far was the drop?
不過35碼 Just 35 feet.
泰山
你把自己當什么了 泰山 Who do you think you are, Tarzan?
-沒什么大不了 -親愛的 -It's no big deal. -Honey?
塞利 Hi, Sally.
親愛的 我 不 我只是來看看 Hi, honey. I... No, I just came to see
媽媽是否還活著 if Mommy was alive.
現在看來 And looking now,
她有呼吸 她很好 she's breathing, she's good.
你來這里做什么 Hi. What are you doing here?
我給你媽媽帶來一個新風扇 夏天用 I was bringing your mother a new fan for the summer.
-真好 -你說你不能 -That's good. -You said you couldn't
和我一起喝咖啡 get coffee with me because you had
因為你下午3:30和雷納爾多先生有約 a 3:30 appointment with a Mr. Renaldo.
你好 女士們 Hello, ladies!
你 You!
不可能 Can't be!
我們殺了你 就在上周 We killed you. Last week.
你們倆 菜鳥 You actually think two amateurish nitwits
能殺死偉大的雷納爾多 could kill The Great Renaldo?
我就說嘛 I told you.
是的 你說對了 You did. You called it.
腿不是真的斷了吧 So the leg's not really broken, huh?
不 斷了 就在這里 No, it is broken, right here.
但 只是個發絲狀裂縫 Just a hairline fracture, though.
不 它完全斷了 No, it's a clean break.
不 是微小的 Slight, though.
微小的 不 它斷了 Slight? No. It's broken.
完全斷了還是受傷而已 Broken-broken or just broken?
這是個骨折的腿 It's a broken leg.
曾經是一根骨頭 現在是兩根骨頭 What was once one bone is now two half-bones.
好吧 Right.
你有什么辦法不讓我妻子瞪著我嗎 Is there anything you can do about my wife staring at me?
沒有 我不是心理醫生 No, I'm not a psychiatrist.
那你是說我妻子瘋了 So you're saying my wife is crazy?
不 不 我只是開玩笑 No, no. I was joking.
你說他的腿斷了 也是開玩笑的吧 Like you were when you said his leg is broken.
聽著 你兒子 Look, your son
整個夏季都得打著石膏過日子了 is going to be wearing that cast the entire summer.
如果你不介意 我68個小時沒睡覺了 If you don't mind, I haven't slept in 68 hours.
這么說 你因缺覺而有點恍惚 So you're a little loopy from lack of sleep,
這其實不是我兒子的骨頭 and that really isn't my son's bone.
這只是一根你折斷的芹菜 That's a piece of celery you snapped.
-倫尼 -啥事 -Lenny! -Yes?
他的腿斷了 The leg is broken!
你別不承認 You can't undo this,
你對我撒謊 因此你必須買單 and you lied to me, so you're gonna pay for it.
醫生 有沒有暴怒者的治療 Doctor, wouldn't it be nice if there was a cure for anger?
有 There is.
叫做杰克·丹尼爾療法 It's called Jack Daniel's.
你又開玩笑呢 Another one of your jokes, huh?
沒有 I Wish.
好的 現在燈是紅色的 所以保持停止 Okay, the light is red now, so just remain stopped.
斯庫利 是你嗎 Scully, is that you?
斯庫利 Scully!
什么事 哥們 Hey, what's up, fellas?
你喝高了來考駕照的嗎 Are you taking your driver's test drunk?
是的 我是雷神 Yeah, I'm MC Hammered!
-你是個瘋子 -瘋了 你 -You're a madman! -Psychopath, man!
斯庫利 斯庫利 Hey, Scully, Scully.
你看到今天那些在采石場的城市大叔了嗎 Have you seen those old townies from the quarry today?
沒有 我沒看到 怎么了 No, I can't say I did. Why?
他們羞辱了我們的兄弟會處所 They disrespected our frat house!
哥們 他們徹底羞辱了它 Man, they disrespected the crap out of it!
不 怎么這樣 No, can't have that.
啤酒時間 哥們 Brewski time, dude!
不是給你的 斯庫利 It's not for you, Scully.
是給你邊上那個戴帽子的怪咖 It's for that freak in the hat next to you.
看起來他需要點 Looks like he needs it.
-崩 -耶 -Boom! -Yeah!
就要開始了 That just happened!
殺 殺 殺 殺 Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
酒后來考駕照 Taking your driver's test while intoxicated?
扣五分 Minus five points.
搞笑 This is ridiculous!
我坐了一整天等那白癡出現 I've wasted an entire day waiting for this idiot to show up.
你跟他說過你女婿在電纜公司工作嗎 Did you tell him your son-in-law works for the cable company?
我說了那家伙一堆好話 A fat lot of good being related to that bozo would do me.
我得上廁所了 I'm gonna run to the bathroom.
跟孩子們說我愛他們 Love to the children.
好 好 Yes. Yes.
該死的 我才坐下 Damn it, I just sat down.
我馬上來 I'll be right out there!
等會兒 Hang on!
我馬上來 I'm coming as quick as I can.
我腳痛 該死的 I got bunions, damn it!
不 不 No! No!
壞得流膿了 You burn in hell!
你這個安裝電纜的岳母 You cable-installing mother...
該死的 Damn it!
聽著 小伙子 Look, man,
我知道賴賬的父親總有蹩腳的理由 I know deadbeat dads always have lame excuses
來解釋他們不探望孩子的原因 why they don't see their kids,
但是"直到一星期前 我才知道你的存在" but "I didn't know you existed till about a week ago"
這個理由還說得過去吧 is actually a fantastic excuse.
那你能不能對我緩和一些 So can you cut me some slack?
她的名字不是"打隔麥基" Her name's not Hiccups McGee.
是 我知道 Yeah, I know that.
那你為什么還這么叫她 So why do you call her that?
不 那只是愚蠢的表現 No, that's just... It's stupid.
只是我給人們起的綽號 It's just kind of a nickname I give people that,
你懂的 讓他們有區別開的特點或者自然特征 you know, have a distinct trait or physical feature.
就像 如果某些人有厚嘴唇 Like, if someone had big lips,
你可以叫他們"厚嘴唇麥基" ...you'd call them Lippy McGee.
又如果他們經常打噴嚏 And if they sneezed a lot,
你可以叫他們"噴嚏麥基" ...you'd call them Sneezy McGee.
那你就是"丑陋麥基" So you'd be Ugly McGee.
我是"丑陋麥基" 沒錯 I'd be Ugly McGee. Exactly.
"矮子麥基" Shorty McGee.
"矮子麥基"必須的 Shorty McGee, sure.
"萎哥麥基" Viagra McGee.
好了 好了 你學會了 Right, right. You get it, you get it.
聽著 小伙子 Listen, man,
如果你愿意的話 我想試試 I'm willing to give this a try if you are.
俗話說"昨日已逝 明日未知" You know what they say... Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery.
也許我們該進屋子 Maybe we go inside
在網上找點松鼠滑水的搞笑視頻看看 ...and search the Internet for funny videos of squirrels waterskiing.
好的 我們會找到的 Okay, we're getting somewhere.
很抱歉 關于約會 我撒謊了 I'm sorry I lied about the appointment.
撒謊不是最糟糕的 The lying's not the worst part.
最糟糕的是你為了避開我 You hid from me
躲在你媽媽的房子里 艾力克 ...at your mother's house, Eric.
誰會這么做 Who does that?
聽著 她對我很好 Look, she's nice to me.
她總是為我著想 You know, she always takes my side,
擔心我吃飽沒 擔心我吃維他命沒 worries if I'm eating enough and taking my vitamins.
我也做了 艾力克 I do all that stuff, too, Eric.
好吧 我沒有 Okay, I don't.
你是對的 You're right.
知道嗎 一天只有幾個小時 You know, there's only so many hours in a day,
我都圍著孩子們打轉 and I'm always running around the kids,
我想我是疏忽你了 and I guess I leave you out a lot,
我真的很努力讓你感覺特殊 and I'm really gonna try harder to make you feel special,
因為你總是讓我感覺我是你眼中的唯一 'cause you always make me feel like the only girl in the world.
我是個壞人 I feel bad.
別這么說 Don't feel bad.
不 是的 因為今天在舞蹈表演會上 No, I do, because today at the recital,
我一直盯著貝基的老師看 I couldn't stop looking at Becky's teacher.
我不介意 I don't mind you looking.
真的 大家都看 I really don't. Everybody looks.
我今天也看了 I was looking today.
我完全大大方方地看 And I'm totally fine with that.
一直到他變成基男 死亡或是卡通 As long as he was gay, dead or a cartoon.
-基佬 -好吧 -Gay. -Okay.
但是無論誰看或是看什么 But no matter who or what
我們總是回到對方的身邊 對嗎 ...we look at, we'll always come back to each other, right?
-洗車 -洗車 -Car wash! -Car wash!
-支持我們隊 -我會向你證明的 -Support our team! -I'll prove it to you!
洗車 Car wash!
-你要做什么 -不 不 你會喜歡這樣的 -What are you doing? -No, no, you're gonna like this.
女孩們 Hi, girls!
快來 Come on.
親愛的 你不必這樣做 Honey, you don't have to do this.
我要做 I want to.
女孩們 Hi, girls!
把它涂滿泡泡 Wash it up extra soapy!
收到 收到 收到 You got it.
等等 稍等 有一輛車排在您前面 Wait, hang on. There's a car just in front of you.
最好先洗他們 Better do them first.
喲 來客人了 Yo, got a customer!
你們洗這輛 我們洗那輛黃色的 You take these guys, we'll take the yellow car.
打滿泡泡 Extra soapy.
現在是什么情況 What is happening right now?
我發誓 我沒想到會這樣 I swear, I didn't plan this.
不不不 謝謝 我很好 我很好 謝謝 No, no, no, no. Thank you. I'm good. I'm good, thank you.
我也很享受這個 Well, I might as well enjoy this.
這事沒完了還 Why is this never-ending?
至少得等到我們前面那輛車玩夠 At least the guys in the car in front of us are having fun.
你們在做什么 過來 What are you doing? Get in there!
放著我來 Let me do it.
好吧 大家 Okay, everybody.
今天不是完美的一天 我承認 有一些不開心 It wasn't a perfect day. I admit it. There were some downs.
關于腿的事 我很抱歉 Sorry about the leg.
好消息是 The good news is
孩子們又過了一年校園生活 the children got through another year of school.
這真是極好的 Fabulously.
你長大了 就算我沒告訴你 特別是你 You got older, even though I told you not to. Especially you.
保持純真 別離開我 Stay young. Don't leave me.
你為我們準備了拿手的雞肉毒藥 You prepared us your famous chicken a la food poisoning,
很興奮能吃到它 which we're all excited to eat.
我開玩笑的 I'm just kidding.
但是最重要的事是 But the greatest thing is, it's my favorite part of the day
我和四個好朋友在一起 這是我今天最開心的部分 with my four best friends.
敬費德一家 To the Feders!
本匹今天約我去吃冰激凌 So Bumpty asked me out for ice cream today.
我曾經和你們父親"去吃冰激凌" I "went out for ice cream" once with your dad.
九個月后 安德烈出生了 Nine months later, Andre popped out.
這是我吃過的最好的香草冰激凌 This is the best vanilla pudding I've ever had.
那是黃油 兒子 That's butter, son.
給你 Here you go.
要我進來喂你嗎 -Hey. -Want me to come in and feed it to you
就像上次那樣 like I did the last time?
不 不 這兒有孩子呢 No, no. I got my kid here.
這樣不好 That wouldn't be cool.
你說過你愛我 You said you loved me!
她們不全是十幾歲的 哥們 They're not all tens, buddy.
孩子 你怎么不吃呢 Homeboy, why aren't you eating?
今天我看到某些東西 讓我沒胃口 I saw something today that made me lose my appetite.
什么東西 裸體的我嗎 What was it, me naked?
什么 What?
什么是打嗝噴嚏放屁三連拍 What's a burpsmart?
打嗝噴嚏放屁三連拍 Burpsnorp?
是打嗝噴嚏放屁三連拍 A burpsnart!
簡單地說 他同時打嗝 打噴嚏還有放屁 Basically, he burps, sneezes and farts at the same time.
他是這樣 He goes...
我覺得我只是東施效顰 I think I just shat myself.
親愛的 今晚的費德聚會是什么時候 Hey, honey, what time's that Feder bash tonight?
怎么了 What?
是油漆 It's paint.
它褪不掉 It doesn't come off.
我覺得來個主題比較有意思 不是嗎 I thought it might be fun to have a theme, no?
-主題 -羅克珊把主題定為 -A theme? -Roxanne decided the theme is...
80年代 The '80s?
那是70年前的事了 That was 70 years ago.
樂隊
我覺得我們可以模仿哈爾&奧塔斯 I thought we could go as Hall & Oates.
哈爾&奧塔斯嗎 Hall & Oates?
-是的 -是的 -Yeah. -Yeah.
是什么東西 是吃的嗎 What is that, like a cereal?
不 No.
你為什么不約南希·阿巴克爾 Why don't you ask Nancy Arbuckle
來參加聚會呢 ...to come by for the get-together?
還是你喜歡邊洗澡邊意淫 Or do you prefer the imaginary shower version?
知道嗎 夏洛特 我相信你 You know what, Charlotte? I trust you,
我要讓你今晚很快樂 and I want you to have fun tonight.
真的 Really.
什么事 小子 我來找你女兒 What's up, player? I'm here for your daughter.
什么 What...
曾經我為聚會準備10種啤酒 Used to get 10 cases of beer for my parties,
現在是10種果汁 ...now I get 10 cases of juice boxes.
貝克斯塔 Hey, Beckster.
性感男子
-Hey, Stud Muffin. -Hey.
媽媽叫他性感男子 我就叫他性感男子 Mommy calls him Stud Muffin, so I call him Stud Muffin.
這樣對嗎 Is that right?
你一定是羅克珊的丈夫 我是凱爾 You must be Roxanne's husband. I'm Kyle.
泥巴玩意
你怎么知道我妻子 性感男子 How do you know my wife again there, Mud Stuffing?
今早鍛煉時 I worked her out this morning.
真的嗎 Really?
今早我也鍛煉她了 贊 I worked her out this morning, too, pretty good.
很好 All right.
怎么了 What's up?
好尷尬 This is awkward.
我老公在這邊 My husband's here.
為什么尷尬 Why is that awkward?
為什么 Why?
我給你點提示 Well, let me give you a hint.
你腦子進水了 You have brain damage?
我想我們都知道那段時光 對嗎 I think we both know what time it is, don't we?
什么東東 What time is it?
沒什么 Nothing.
只是 時光 It's just... Just time to...
幫幫我 Help me out here.
我剛剛迷路了 抱歉 I'm lost right now. I'm sorry.
威利 安德烈·麥肯齊表現如何 Wiley, how'd Andre McKenzie do?
他通過測試了嗎 Did he pass his test?
勉強通過 He squeaked by.
我們沒去看洗車啦啦隊美女 We didn't check out any soapy cheerleaders.
你和我妻子在做什么 What's going on with you and my wife?
我要走了 I'm gonna go.
我們為什么不各回各家 各找各媽 Actually, why don't we all go our separate ways.
我搞不懂在聊些什么 I don't see any of these conversations working out for me.
-再見 -今晚見 -Adios. -I'll see you tonight.
口香糖
我會帶Hubba Bubba I'll bring the Hubba Bubba.
什么 What?
今晚的80風聚會 Yeah, party tonight '80s-style, huh?
搖滾III Rocky Ill.
-威利 -來了 -Wiley! -Okay.
寶貝 寶貝 Hey, babe.
佩妮的紙條上說什么 What does Penny's note say?
她說"蛋黃醬 意大利通心粉" She wrote, "Mayonnaise, zitis..."
另一面 The other side.
"11:00郵箱見" "Meet me by your mailbox at 11:00."
11點我為什么要在郵箱邊見她 Why would I meet her by my mailbox at 11:00?
你搞懂這兒發生什么事了 You have any idea what just happened there?
毫無頭緒 Not a clue.
我不管你父母是誰 I don't care who your parents are.
搞砸了 我就解雇你 You screw up, I fire you.
挺好的 It's all good.
"挺好的" "It's all good"?
這是家族餐館 不是饒舌秀 It's a family restaurant, not a rap show.
挺糟的 It's all bad?
不錯 就是這樣 That's right, it is.
來客人了 You got a customer.
對不起 歡迎來到冰激凌之屋 I'm sorry. Welcome to the Ice Cream House.
格雷格 Hi, Greg.
南希 Nancy, hi.
你把甜筒捏碎了 I think you crushed your cones.
不 No.
那是 那是個握力測試 That was a... That was a squeeze test.
這些甜筒是失敗品 These cones failed.
我們將嘗試紙質甜筒 We're gonna try cardboard cones next.
你笑了 You're smiling.
然后第二步 And number two.
你笑起來真美 You have such a nice smile.
謝謝 Thanks.
今晚在你朋友說我丑之前 和我約會吧 Go out with me tonight before your friends say I'm fugly.
今晚 Tonight?
是的 Sure.
不搞怪 No freaking way.
你老爸曾經就用這三招 Your father used to do that same three-step crap
伴著我們成長 when we were growing up.
卻總是奇效 It always worked then.
甚至對我老婆都管用 Even on my wife.
我的思想不是你能觸及的 I ain't no boy with a mind you can toy,
因為如果方法合適的話 我可以摧毀伊利諾斯州 'cause if this is a ploy, I'll destroy Illinois.
真不可思議 你的即興說唱可以做到這樣 It is so amazing how you can freestyle like that.
有一天 事實會證明 I been laying it down truthful since day one.
有時候我也唱歌 Well, I sing sometimes, too,
但是只在浴室之類的地方 but only, like, in the shower.
我害怕在人前唱歌 I'm scared to sing in front of other people.
如果你害怕 說明你還沒掌握它 If you scared, that means you don't got it.
為蹩腳害臊 但我不會 我是核心骨干 Sorry to be blunt, but I don't front. I'm hard-core.
恐龍 Dinosaur!
80年代是多久前的年代 How long ago was the '80s?
這得追溯到1900年代 That was way back in the 1900s.
我們在學校學過 We learned about it in school.
是個奇怪的年代 It was wack.
電話后面有長長的 卷卷的東西 The phones had long, curly things coming out of the end.
你得看廣告 You had to watch commercials.
不會吧 No way.
對不對 鮑澤爾 Isn't that right, Bowser?
大家好嗎 How we doing?
爸爸 為什么我們都得化裝 而你不用 Hey, Dad, why do we have to wear costumes and you don't?
我化裝了呀 I am wearing a costume.
布魯斯·斯普林斯汀 生于美國 Bruce Springsteen, Born in the U. S.A.
布魯斯·斯普林斯廷是誰 Who's Bruce Springsteen?
我想是個大屁股的人 I guess some guy with a giant butt.
你們不知道誰是大老板嗎 You don't know who the Boss is?
我是個壞爸爸 I stink as a father.
你不是壞爸爸 You do not stink as a father.
你是最好的父親 You're the best father I know.
我不明白你為什么不 That's why I don't understand why you don't...
不想要孩子嗎 Why I don't want a baby?
因為我不想要 別提這個 Because I don't want one! Let's move on from that!
不 不 不 No. No, no.
跟她說這不是你說的 爸爸 Tell her it wasn't you talking, Dad.
是你的肥屁股說的 It was your flabby ass.
你想我"不小心"打斷你的另外一條腿嗎 You want me to "accidentally" break the other leg?
很抱歉 我嗓門高了 Hey, I'm sorry I raised my voice.
在孩子們面前 In front of the children!
是的 在孩子們面前 Right, in front of the kids.
只是 你 It's just, you...
你一直反反覆覆提起寶寶的事 All you're doing is bringing up this baby thing over and over.
你是不是 比如 Are you going through, like,
有"女性"荷爾蒙的毛病啊 a "womany" hormone situation or something?
更年期 Menopause?
什么 你沒那么老啦 對不起 What, you're not old enough for that? I'm sorry.
好吧 不 我是說精神分裂 Okay, no, I meant schizophrenia.
不 寶貝 寶貝 寶貝 No, honey, honey, honey,
如果我們再要個孩子 又要再來一遍 知道嗎 if we have another baby, we're starting over, you know?
不如我們領養一個 How about we just adopt a kid?
比如一個20歲的 有工作的 Like a 20-year-old who has a job.
我們還能從他身上賺錢呢 That way we could make money off of him.
我只是 I just...
你不覺得我們應該開始把精力放在彼此身上嗎 Don't you think we can start concentrating on me and you?
這就是我想說的 該過我們倆的日子了 That's all I'm saying. It's our time.
我會去處理荷爾蒙什么的毛病 Well, I am going through kind of a hormone thing.
很好 有這種病的藥 Good, there's pills for that.
我懷孕了 I'm pregnant.
我們的客人到了 Our guests are here.
等一下 我們什么時候愛愛了 Wait a minute, when did we even have...
去死吧 6號旅館的火辣洗浴 Damn you, Motel 6 hot tub!
倫尼 問題大條了 哥們 Wow. Lenny, that's big, brother.
是的 四個孩子最好 Yeah, four kids is the best.
你在說什么呢 王子 What are you talking about, Prince?
你跟我說過 如果有四個孩子是最糟糕的 You told me it would be the worst if that happened.
也有很多好處啦 There's a lot of great aspects to that.
比如 朱尼爾高中畢業時 你都64歲了 Like, when Junior graduates high school, you'll be 64.
那好處咧 How is that a good thing?
說句老實話 太可怕了 Actually, it's horrifying.
我開口前沒算好 抱歉 I didn't do the math before I opened my mouth. Sorry.
干得好 雪兒 Nice job, Cher.
得了 我不是雪兒 Okay, I'm not Cher.
我是密特·勞弗 懂吧 是噢 I'm Meat Loaf, all right? Yeah.
你是密特·勞弗 還是肉糜糕 You're Meat Loaf, or you're made of meat loaf?
魔術師
你是誰 道格·漢寧 Who are you, Doug Henning?
搖滾明星
我是奧塔斯 I'm Oates.
奧塔斯的搭檔
哈爾在哪 Where's Hall?
哈爾在跟你的孩子們玩耍 Hall's having a playdate with your kids.
總之 你沒什么好擔心的 倫尼 Anyway, you got nothing to worry about, Lenny.
好嗎 你是個偉大的父親 All right? You're a great dad.
是的 我知道 我今天弄斷了我兒子的腿 Right, I know. I broke my son's leg today.
這可真是個好爸爸 That's a real good dad.
伙計們 你們在嘲諷我 對嗎 Guys, you're bumming me out, all right?
今兒應該是狂歡的時刻 This is supposed to be party time.
這不是真的狂歡 我喝的是果汁 This isn't gonna be a real party. I'm drinking a juice box,
因為我怕我老婆吼我 'cause I'm afraid my wife's gonna yell at me
因為我在孩子們面前喝得爛醉 ...for getting drunk in front of the kids.
過去六個月 你們誰有過狂歡 How many of you guys have been to a party in the past six months?
不是跳跳屋的狂歡 A party without a bouncy house.
人家實際上沒邀請你的也不算 A party where they actually invited you.
是啦 Yeah.
再也沒狂歡了 伙計們 The party's over, fellas.
看到今天兄弟會那些人對待我們的樣子了 You saw the way those frat guys treated us today.
我們出局了 We're irrelevant.
我們是廢物 We're losers.
我們老了 We're old.
羅蒙諾索夫完全OUT了 Lamonsoff totally surrendered.
他還圍著個屁股包 上帝啊 He's got a fanny pack on now, for God's sake.
知道嗎 首先 You know what, first of all,
這是個"survanny"包 一個幸存的屁股包 it's a "survanny" pack, a survival fanny pack,
有很多特殊的特點 with many special features.
這么說 你能從里面拿出三角鐵和千層面咯 So you pull that triangle and lasagna comes out?
你為什么不拉它一下看看 Why don't you give it a shot?
還別說 我還就真的拉了 You got it. I'll pull the string.
耶 這個好 這個好 Yeah, good one, that was good.
別說再也沒狂歡了 Don't ever say the party's over!
這不是真的 That didn't happen.
別 別 No, no, no, no, no.
怎么有這么多王子 What's with all this Prince?
-我才是王子 -不 -I'm Prince. -The hell.
你不是 我才是 You ain't Prince. I'm Prince.
我的皮膚比你更亮一些 My skin's way lighter than yours.
你就像個絕食的海豹 You should have came as Seal on a hunger strike.
美國黑人男演員
像有變裝癖的摩根·福爾曼 You look like Morgan Freeman if he was a transvestite.
你在這做什么 本匹 And what you doing here, Bumpty?
我以為你和我女兒出去了 I thought you was out with my daughter.
這不是本匹 這是我的妻子 That ain't Bumpty. That's my wife.
瑪麗 我沒認出你來 Mary! I didn't recognize you.
你的服裝呢 Where's your costume?
我發現這是個派對時已經太晚了 I didn't find out about the party until it was too late.
所以你決定打扮成一個黑木偶嗎 So you decided to come as a black Muppet?
什么 What?
你是我的唯一 Come on, you're my one and only, sweetie-boo-mo-mo.
為我秀一下肌肉 Make a muscle for me?
好嗎 Pwease?
好大呀 So bulgy.
像一個巨大的焦糖蘋果 Like a big caramel apple.
我害怕 和你在一起真有安全感 I'm scared. I feel safe with you.
閉嘴 Shut up.
我可以和一個女人建立感應 You know, I can make a connection with a woman.
只是不能維持這種感覺 I just can't sustain it.
你知道的 有段距離 You know, there's a distance there.
我想在藥學上彌補這種感覺 比如藥丸 Try to fill it up pharmaceutically, you know, with pills,
或者探索頻道 or the Discovery Channel,
或者考古和金塊 or Dino Nuggets.
但沒什么有效的 But nothing really works.
看吧 你能理解的 你知道嗎 See, you understand, you know?
因為你是一個 我聽說的 'Cause you're, I heard,
敏感的男人 sensitive to men.
天啊 他太性感了 God, he's hot!
閉嘴 他會發現我們的秘密 Zip it! He'll find out our secret!
-多喝點 -伙計 -Drink up, partner. -Yeah!
倫尼啊 Lenny!
啟動二次元領域 Secret table.
你還好嗎 發生什么了 Yes, honey, how are you? What's going on?
我們只是在放松 We just trying to get our punch on.
貝基困了 Becky's sleepy-
她想她爸爸哄她上床 She wants her daddy to put her to bed.
爸爸正在享受這個派對呢 Well, Daddy's right about to enjoy some refreshing punch,
所以你能代替我嘛 so could you put her to sleep?
這些小孩在身邊時 Well, you wouldn't want to have too much punch
你不會想喝太多的 with all these kids running around.
實際上我可以的 You know what, I'd be okay with that.
不 那你不行的 Actually, you wouldn't.
聽你的 Gotcha.
我會回來的 伙計們 對你們保證 I'll be back soon, fellas. I'll be back soon. That's a promise.
-走吧小女孩 -晚安 -Let's go, little girl. -Good night.
是時候睡覺了 Time to go to sleep.
閉上眼睛 Close your eyes.
好的 媽 Yeah, Mom.
就像罰球一樣簡單 As easy as making a free throw.
貝基睡著了 Hey, Bean, Becky went to sleep.
你也是時候睡覺了 怎么樣 I think it's time for you to hit it, pal. What do you say?
別碰那個 No, no, don't touch that.
你會弄壞它的 Yeah, you might break it.
什么 What...
哪里學的 Where did you learn how to do that?
夢里學的 I saw it in one of my dreams.
你是天才嗎 You're a genius?
我兒子是天才 My boy's a genius.
你爸爸也是個天才 Your dad's also a genius.
做個好夢 我的小天使 Sweet dreams there, angel, okay?
爸 你能躺下來直到我睡著嗎 Daddy, can you lay in bed with me till I fall asleep?
什么 我以為你已經睡著了 所以我們才來這的 What do you mean? I thought you are sleepy. That's why we came up here.
躺下吧 Please lay down.
我會躺下的 I'll lay down with you, then.
只是 這里有個派對 但是 I just... There's a party going on, but...
你能說個故事給我聽嗎 Can you tell me a story?
看看誰在附近 Look who was in the neighborhood!
美國70年代最受歡迎的搖滾樂隊
樂隊 Some of Lenny's friends from the old J. Geils Band!
-爸 -你不想來一口 -Daddy? -You don't want one slug?
不 No.
我以為你喜歡 不好意思 I thought you liked this stuff. Sorry.
好吧 我會給你講個故事 All right. I'll tell you a story.
從前呢 有一只手 Once upon a time, there was a hand,
這只手 吃小孩的臉 and the hand faced-raked the child.
睡 Sleep!
睡 Slee...
睡 Sleep!
費德這么大聲的播放他的搖滾唱片 Boy, Feder's cranking his old rock and roll records pretty loud.
他大概從沒聽見過鄰居的抱怨 Guess he's never heard of neighbors.
你為什么停下來 Now, why you stopping here?
我需要一些空氣 I need some air.
你需要一些空氣 You need some air?
-我們還沒到派對呢 -如果你不管我 -We haven't even gotten to the party yet. -I would appreciate it
我會很開心的 if you would stop trying to "manage" me.
知道了 Word, word.
想讓我停下來等你嗎 Want me to stay and wait with you?
我只想一個人 I just want to be alone!
別相信謠言 Yo, don't believe the hype.
男孩 Boy!
沒有基格勒斯沃爾斯先生我睡不著 Daddy, I can't fall asleep without Mr. Gigglesworth.
你告訴過我他會沒事的 You told me he would be okay.
他是沒事的 我 He Will be. I...
他只是需要久一點的休息 好嗎 He just needs to rest a little bit longer, okay?
求你了 我想見他 Please, Daddy. I need to see him.
他今天過的很不容易 He had a very rough day.
但是我會把他帶給你的 因為你需要見他 But I'll get him for you, because you need to see him.
鍛煉我的左腿 我經常鍛煉你知道嗎 Doing leg lifts. I work out when I can, you know?
想要些糖果嗎 Want some Daddy candy right here?
你為什么裸著 Why are you naked?
因為全球變暖 Global warming.
這怎么是空的 Why is this empty?
基格勒斯沃爾斯在哪 -Where is Gigglesworth? -Hey, hey.
你是在找這個嗎 I'm sorry, man. Were you looking for this?
他怎么是好的 Why's he look good?
我縫好的 I sewed him.
你縫的 You sew?
哪里學的 Where'd you learn how to sew?
同志營 Gay camp-
你去了同志營 你是同性戀嗎 You went to gay camp? You're gay?
不不 我是說 我是同志 No, no. No, I mean, I'm gay,
但是沒有什么同志營 是我開的小玩笑 but no, there's no such thing as gay camp, man. it was a joke.
我爸教我的 他是個裁縫 I learned to sew from my dad, who was a tailor.
在貝基的年齡我就開始縫紉了 給你 I've been sewing since I was Becky's age. Here.
不錯 This is great.
玩偶好了 Gigglesworth's okay,
你沒有騙我的妻子 you're not fooling around with my wife,
你身上有尿漬 and you got a pee stain.
這不是我的 That is not mine.
你是個野獸 You're an animal.
老子就是法 I am the law!
你能弄明白嗎 Can you dig it?
大家伙 倫尼有12個浴室 Come on, big man, Lenny's got, like, 12 bathrooms.
我不想去臥室 I don't got to go to the bathroom.
我只是很享受池水 I'm just enjoying the water.
出去 Get out.
快 快 快 快 快 Hurry! Hurry!
福路則 別這樣 Fluzoo, come on!
這已經不是溫了 燙死了 That's not even warm. It's hot.
不得不說你的爸爸很厲害 I got to give it to your old man for one thing.
他總能開派對 He could always throw a party.
這是我爸的派對 This is my dad's party?
搖滾女歌手
看看你的女朋友 打扮成佩·班娜塔 Check out your girlfriend in the Pat Benatar outfit.
謝洛特啊 Charlotte,
太棒了 that was amazing.
你從哪里學會唱歌的 Where'd you learn to sing like that?
我就是在洗澡的時候唱一會兒 No place. I just sing a little in the shower.
或許你應該一直呆在浴室里 Maybe you should stick to the shower.
'Cause I gots the power
I'm on Today Show Dissing Matt Lauer
Bumpty
幫我一個忙 Do me a favor
在我把你的莫西干發型拍進你腦袋里前閉嘴 ...and shut your mouth before I slap that Mohawk into a chin strap.
什么 What?
誰邀請你們來了 Who invited you guys?
你美麗的妻子 Your beautiful wife does.
是的 我妻子被邀請了 Well, she invited her,
自然的我也來了 and naturally, we assumed it was a plus one.
有問題嗎 There a problem?
不 我只是想說你的終結者衣服很好看 No, I was gonna say, great Terminator outfit
藍調風格歌手
還有你穿的羅伯特·帕默 and Robert Palmer thing you got on, and...
拍的一手好馬屁 Nice babble.
-這個怎么樣 -不 -How about this? -No.
這個呢 What about that?
痛嗎 傷到你了嗎 Does that hurt? Is that hurting you?
是的 傷到我了 Yes, it is hurting me.
好的 那就多敲幾下 Okay. Well, let me do it some more.
你有什么要說的嗎 You got something to say?
事實上 卡瓦諾 Actually, Cavanaugh.
如果你想要進入我的派對 你需要向我道歉 You want to stay at my party, I think you owe me an apology.
為什么 For what?
為了過去 一直把我當廢物 For back in the day, always giving me crap.
你不想讓過去的事過去 You don't want to let bygones be bygones?
想 直到你對我道歉 I do. After you apologize to me.
為了我30年前做的事 For stuff I did 30 years ago?
一個混蛋是不限時間的 There isn't a statute of limitations on being a dick.
你說什么 What'd you just say?
你剛才聽到的 I said what I said.
我們要打一場 You and me are fighting right now.
來吧 Now, let's go! Let's get it over with.
我們的朋友似乎要死了 Man, looks like our friend's about to die.
倫尼 發生什么了 我要叫警察了 Lenny, what's going on? I'm calling the police!
我們已經來了 We're already here.
拿著我的頭發 女士 Hold my hair, woman.
你準備好了嗎 You ready for this?
還沒 但我準備好做這個了 Not at all, but I'm gonna do this,
因為我要告訴我的兒子怎樣做是對的 'cause I got to show my son what's right.
我們會為了孩子付出一切 不是嗎 We'd do anything for our boys, wouldn't we?
當然了 Absolutely.
我的孩子在阿富汗上空 My boy's over in Afghanistan.
你做的沒錯 我希望他能安全到家 Well, you raised him right. I hope he gets home safe soon.
我也是 Yeah, me, too.
打那個混蛋 費德 Sucker-punch him, Feder.
舔他的二頭肌 舔它 咬它 舔掉它 Lick his bicep. Lick it, bite it, lick the tan off.
接下來會發生這個 All right, here's what's gonna happen.
瞄著我的下巴打 我會像一袋土豆一樣倒下來 Hit me right on the chin. I'll go down like a sack of potatoes.
-你在說什么 -照著做就行了 -What are you talking about? -Just do it.
我知道如果我的小孩在旁邊的話你會跟我一樣的 I know you'd do the same for me if my boy was watching.
讓我們嗨起來 好萊塢 Let's get busy, Hollywood!
別打我 求你了 No! Don't hit me, please!
對不起 請不要打我 I'm sorry. Please don't hit me.
你會把我撕成碎片的 You would tear me limb from limb.
老實說 Open this.
我選擇你的原因是因為 我害怕你 The only reason I picked on you was because I was afraid of you.
-什么 -我的天 -What? -Oh, my God.
請 順著我就行了 Please, please, please. Just go with it.
我覺得不會有人相信你能打倒我的 I didn't think anyone would believe you could knock me out.
請不要打我 Please. Don't hit me.
卡瓦諾在哭 不可思議 Cavanaugh's crying. This is ridiculous!
你不想我用這個打你 You mean you don't want me to hit you with this?
求你了 No! Please.
肘子呢 Or the elbow?
戳爆你的狗眼 Finger in the eye!
看看他呀 Listen to this guy!
好了 起來 整理好 All right, get up. Straighten up.
我不會打你的 I'm not gonna hit you,
但是 只要你再對著我 but if you ever disrespect me
或者任何人有一點不尊重的話 or anybody,
我就會把你按倒在地上 I will hunt you down,
我會把你打成一攤土豆 and I will slap you into a pile of tattoos,
難聞的氣味 bad breath
還有背上的痘 and back zits.
夠了吧 Please.
明白了嗎 Do you understand me?
明白了 Yes, I understand you.
明白了嗎 Do you understand me?
明白了 Yes, I understand you!
在我改變主意前走遠點 Then walk away before I change my mind.
非常謝謝 Thank you very much.
-看呀 -發生了什么 -Hey, man, look at him! -What just happened?
倫尼啊 Lenny! Lenny! Lenny!
天啊 這是你做過最男人的事了 Oh, my God, that was the manliest thing you ever did.
今晚我能給你特殊服務 You get extra special hip-hop dance tonight.
沒錯 Word up.
年輕人 看到萊納德了嗎 Hey, guys, if you see Leonard,
你能告訴他我按我們約好的在這等他嗎 could you tell him that I'm here waiting like we arranged?
伙計們 Guys? Guys?
干嘛 我是個人啊 Yeah, okay. Okay, I am a person!
-這太棒了 -我必須這樣做 -That was awesome, by the way. -Had to. Had to.
是的你必須 Yeah, yeah, you had to.
他讓你擺脫困境 不是嗎 He let you off the hook, didn't he?
是的 但我必須理解他 He did, he did, but I had to go With it.
我不相信 I can't believe it!
我們中了大獎 We hit the moron jackpot!
想挨打的人 請站在草地上 Everybody who needs a beating, conveniently together on one lawn.
他們是誰 Who are they?
布朗森大學兄弟會的人 Brunson University frat guys.
我討厭這些白人 Oh, God, I hate white people.
不好意思 你們干嘛到這里 怎么了 Excuse me, why are you here? What's the matter?
我來告訴你怎么了 I tell you what is the matter.
這些老鄉們毀了我們的兄弟會房子 These old townies trashed our frat house!
沒人敢對我們的美麗的總部不敬 And nobody treats our good-times headquarters with disrespect!
是的 Yeah!
他們沒做這件事 They didn't do it.
我做的 Me do it.
別替他們背黑鍋Z-Dog Don't try and cover for him, Z-Dog!
誰是Z-Dog Who's Z-Dog?
我們都知道因為我們讓他們裸體跳進我們的游泳池 We know they're trying to get back at us
所以他們想報復我們 for making them do the naked plunge in our swimming hole.
你們的游泳池 Your swimming hole?
我從8歲就開始 在那兒游泳了 I've been swimming at the quarry since I was eight years old.
顯然的 這個該死的小鎮的所有人 Apparently, everybody in this crap town
都在他們八歲的時候在那里游過泳 has been swimming there since they were eight years old.
我猜因為他們都忙著吸奶 I guess nobody wants to leave this dump
所以沒人愿意離開這個垃圾場 ...because they're too busy sucking!
我們之后再做 We'll finish later.
-你答應我 -我答應 -You promise? -I promise.
-好 -小滑頭 -Okay. -Hey, smart guy!
倫尼 費德離開這個小鎮 Lenny Feder left this town,
去好萊塢賺大錢 moved to Hollywood, made big bucks,
可能比你們所有人腦袋加起來還 probably more money than all you brainiacs put together
要值錢 ever will.
但是呢 But guess what?
他回到這來 He came back here.
因為這個美麗的小鎮是他的家 'Cause this beautiful town is his home.
而這個小鎮也永遠是他的家 And it always will be his home.
這就是這個小區感人的遺囑嗎 Well, that was just a moving testament to this community, bro!
但我們不是來這里聽什么蹩腳的演講的 But we didn't come here to hear any lame speeches.
我們是來操翻你們這些老家伙的 We came here to kick some old, smelly ass!
我們可能老了 年輕人 Fellas, we may be old.
我們可能有老人臭了 We may be smelly.
我們可能有雞雞 We may have a penis.
但唯一在這里被操翻的 But the only ones getting their ass kicked around here
只有可能是 is gonna be you spoiled,
你們這些乳臭未干的臭小子們 privileged, uppity, preppy D-bags.
你聽到了嗎 You hear that?
讓我們上吧 Now, let's get busy!
They're dancing on the ceiling
They're dancing on the floor
People everywhere coming through the door
They know there's a party going on
上吧 兒子 Come on, son!
你這個軟蛋 You ain't tough!
干他 Hit him!
操 Yeah, Braden! Yeah! Damn!
你想要這個 You want this?
先生 請住手 Sir, please stop it!
不是"先生" 那是個女人 That's not a sir! That's a woman!
我的女人 My woman!
來吧 寶貝 Come on, babe.
I know you're gonna lose control
You can do
你真性感 Oh, you're so hot.
I know it's cold outside
別把我臉弄壞了 Don't bust my face!
你救了我 You saved me.
我會保護你一輩子 I will protect you for the rest of your life.
好吧 吹風機男孩兒 Okay, blow dryer boy.
天吶 不 Oh, God, no!
不 不 No! No!
耶 耶 Yeah! Yeah!
這個紀念日還好嗎 寶貝 Having a good anniversary, babe?
親愛的 這是最好的一次 Honey, the best.
我不能呼吸了 I can't breathe.
讓我窒息 Choking me!
耶 Yeah!
我們做到了 我們做到了 伙計 We did it. We did it, man.
是的 Yeah.
我們合作得很好 We make a good team.
是啊 是啊 那真的很有意思 Yeah. Yeah, that was fun.
I know it's cold outside
Come on babe I'll keep you satisfied
色鬼 Boomer!
發生什么事了 What's going on?
這個 This!
你這個叛徒 色鬼 You're a traitor, Boomer!
他的名字不是色鬼 His name's not Boomer!
他叫格雷格 It's Gary.
是格雷格 It's Greg.
格雷格 Greg.
我的天啊 你瞧見他的腦袋了么 Oh, my God! Did you see his head?
他是個 他是個禿子 He's got a... He's bald!
霍 霍 I got a wild one!
敲 敲 敲 Noogie, noogie, noogie.
誰都不準敲我哥哥的腦袋 Nobody noogies my brother!
我的腦袋 我的腦袋 My brain! My brain!
伙計 我有 Hey, man! I had that one.
我知道你有 大家伙 I know you did, big brother.
-給我滾出去 -別打我 -Get out of here! -Don't hit me!
瞧瞧看誰來了 Hey, hey, look who showed up.
Flippy-boy Yeah you want to flip your way out of this
太慢了 老家伙 Too slow, old man.
你在哪里工作 肉桂卷 Where you work out, Cinnabon?
看看誰在倒車 寶貝 Look who's back up, baby.
我不知道我們在加速 給我點時間拉開距離 I didn't know we were kicking. Give me a second to stretch.
好的 All right.
我們要扔掉幾條腿 We're gonna throw some legs, huh?
你想要扔掉幾條腿 You want to throw some legs, huh?
這剛發生 That just happened.
什么 你是忍者養大的嗎 What, were you raised by ninjas?
恭喜 Congratulations.
你贏了 You won the fight.
這是你的獎勵 Here's your prize.
謝謝 小姑娘 它看起來就跟你一樣 Thanks, little girl. It looks just like you.
那是只猴子 It's a monkey!
看著我 Look at me!
我是一只小笨猴 I'm a stupid little monkey.
晚安 Good night.
來吧 伙計們 我們要出去了 Come on, guys! We got to get out!
走吧 Let's go!
倫尼 寶貝 Lenny! Baby.
寶貝 你還好嗎 Baby, are you all right?
我為你而來 倫納德 我為你而來 I'm here for you, Leonard. I'm here for you.
你 你是誰 Who... Who are you?
這是你漂亮 閃亮的硬幣 It's your pretty, shiny Penny.
對不起 我踢掉了你的發卡 Oops, sorry, I kicked your barrette.
對不起 親愛的 Sorry, honey!
你們在那邊是富士和田中 You guys were Fuji and Tanaka out there.
這就跟高中一樣 This is just like high school.
醉酒 打架 Get drunk, get in a fight,
...最終回到羅蒙諾索夫 吃雞蛋 wind up back at Lamonsoff's, eating eggs.
除了醉酒的部分 老媽 Except for the drunk part, Mommy.
你們這些小伙子真是讓我想起了好多事情 All you guys together brings back so many memories.
迪克 這是你和倫尼嗎 Dickie, is this you and Lenny?
讓我看看 Let's see.
是啊 我和好萊塢幼兒園時是最好的朋友 Yeah, me and Hollywood were best friends in kindergarten.
發生什么事情了 -Yep. -What happened?
什么叫"發生什么事了" 我們在不同的班級 What do you mean, "What happened?" We were in different classes.
我們疏遠了 對嗎 We kind of drifted apart, right?
是啊 他在那種聰明孩子的班級 Yeah. He was in those smart classes.
而我則在別的班級 I was in the other classes.
這些家伙是誰 Hey, who's this guy?
-有人記得他么 -那是誰 -Anybody remember him? -Who is that?
那個小孩怎么了 Wow, what happened to that kid?
他仍在這里 He's still here.
為什么我知道我的孩子將會是那個樣子呢 Why do I know my new kid's gonna end up looking like that?
-你有孩子了 倫尼 -是的 -You're having a baby, Lenny? -Yeah.
是的 所以我說 羅蒙諾索夫女士 Yeah, so I'm told, Mrs. Lamonsoff.
一個驚喜 A surprise, huh?
是的 Yes.
現在的人們太過分的想要計劃事情了 People today try to plan things out so much.
但是意料之外的孩子得到的愛卻一點都 But don't think an unexpected child is loved any less
不比計劃要生的孩子的少啊 than one you planned for.
總有一天 倫尼 你甚至不會記得 Someday, Lenny, you won't even remember
如果只有三個孩子生活會是怎樣的 ...what life was like with just three children.
你覺得我們想要艾力克 You think we wanted Eric?
-他是個意外 -媽 -He was an accident. -Mama.
他的爸爸和我在房間里玩愛國者游戲 His father and I were in the men's room at a Patriots game...
你知道嗎 我準備翻頁了 You know what, I think I'm just gonna turn the page here.
我要翻頁了 I'm turning the page.
講完再說 Finish the story!
但丁警官在我們草地上干活呢 Officer Dante's passed out on our lawn.
我看見他在試著逮捕螞蟻 I know. I saw him trying to arrest an anthill.
說一說懷孕的事 Want to talk about the whole pregnancy thing?
好吧 明天再說 It's okay. We'll talk tomorrow.
好的 Okay.
好吧 你去睡覺 我會跟我們的寶貝說一說的 Okay, you go to sleep. I'll make this between me and the baby.
里面的小家伙 Hello in there.
這是你的爸爸 This is your daddy speaking.
我只想跟你說很歡迎你來到我們的家庭 I just want to tell you welcome to the family,
我非常愛你 非常的非常的愛你 and I love you very, very, very much.
不管你是個男孩還是女孩 I really don't care if you're a boy or girl.
我只要你答應我一件事 I just need you to promise me one thing.
當你讀小學的時候 學芭蕾 When you're in elementary school, study ballet,
這樣我就能看到那個老師了 so I can see that teacher as much as possible.
我就知道會這樣 I knew that was coming.
其實 我不需要什么芭蕾老師 To be honest, I don't need no stinking ballet teacher.
因為我娶了一個世界上最美麗的女人 I'm married to the most beautiful woman in the world,
你的媽媽 your mommy.
你說這么甜蜜的話 是因為你想在外面鬼混嗎 Are you saying sweet things to me because you want to fool around?
那會是一個夏天不錯的開始 That would be a nice way to kick off the summer.
好了 浪漫先生 Okay, Mr. Romantic.
但請讓我們快一點開始 But let's do this quick,
我們的明天很重要 好嗎 we have a big day tomorrow, okay?
當然了 Absolutely.
保護好你的頭 Watch your head in there.
等下 不好意思親愛的 Hang on. Hang on. I'm sorry, honey.
別動 老天 我要來了 Don't move. Don't move. Oh, my God, I'm going to!
我做到了 打嗝噴嚏放屁三連發 耶 I did it! I burpsnarted! Yes!
倫尼成長啦 Lenny, grow up!
我為我們的寶貝做的 I did it for the baby!